reasons you should totally not love me

2:41 AM my freaking ex bc why not

butch lesbians are asshole

Okay so her name was Hailey, she lives in a really small town like two hours away from me and we were together for about 6 months (counting the times where she cheated on me :')) and despite never meeting irl and having and internet relationship I thought we were a pretty cute couple honestly.

She first approached me online and said something like "hey you seem chill and we live in the same state do you wanna be friends". I still remember it was exACTLY 11:17 PM ON ST.PATRICKS DAY IDK WHY I REMEMBER BUT I HATE MY BRAIN.

So obviously b/c I am socially inept therefore lacking the privilege of many friendships (at the time) I got all pumped and was like heck yeah

We exchanged memes and talked for maybe five minutes and then we just straight away became lovers.

It was pretty ironic and platonic at first but then halfway through we started talking about serious stuff like abuse and depression and stuff and then I realized,,

"Oh shit. She's serious."

At the time she identified as a trans dude: "Zach", but soon changed it idk why so she went back to being Hailey.
So about one month into our "relationship", out of nowhere she was like,
"Hey Edie, you remind me of my abusive ex girlfriend so I'm breaking up with you please don't talk to me again."

Literally out of nowhere and over text. I remember when I got it, I was so excited just to talk to her because I really really loved her and I just read the beginning of the text and i just remember that kind of feeling I got uuggghhh

(Btw I talked to her 'ex gf' after all this, who actually identifies as a trans dude, and he's actually pretty chill and his new gf is so adorable and sweet)

So long story short, I cried a lot and my mom comforted me when I couldn't get out of bed for like a day, and the worst thing was that I thought it was all my fault because obviously I was a shitty person for reminding her of her allegedly rude ex!!!1!1!!11!

Then like two days later I texted her back something like "hey im really sorry if I've caused you pain by reminding you of her and if leaving me behind is what'll make you happy then I'll do it but I still like you"

anD THAT LITTLE FUCKER WAS ALL LIKE "omg i feel the same way, I didn't mean to say that to you idk what I was thinking I still love you so much give me a second chance"

AND IM A NICE PERSON SO OBVIOUSLY

"yea sure"

And it went alright for the next four months or so. Except for the fact that she complained about wanting to go anorexic because she had foot surgery and couldn't walk. (You can't "go anorexic" btw, that's like saying you're going depressed or bipolar) And I myself was suffering from anorexia severely at the time (still recovering yay me) and so when I wanted to talk about it with someone she replied with:

"You know what, I'm really tired of the whole anorexia subject and I don't want to talk about it anymore"

So yeah.

Then one day, actually it was the day after we were planning on moving somewhere and having kids and getting married because we were romantic af, Hailey texted me again and told me she didn't like internet relationships and wanted to date a guy at school after previously claiming she specifically liked females only

But here's the thing

After making a whole speech she said "do you want to still be friends?"

like wtf

And so ooffff cooouurrssee I once again said "Yeah totally! As long as you're happy, that's all I care about" Then I said I would still probably flirt with her and she said she might also, so naturally I was just like

?????

Then about two weeks into her relationship with this guy, John, she came to me and informed me he was a huge fuckboy who did weird ass hormonal teenage boy things such as masturbating in school then telling Hailey he did so.

Why didn't she know this before she decided to date him tho ????

So that month she broke up with him, with help from me, and went fucking crAWLING back to me

She started hardcore flirting, drawing me pictures and sending memes and all that jazz, but around the time I was packing for summer camp which was six weeks and without technology, so we couldn't text or call each other.

Right before I left, I gave her the address of the camp and she was like "OMF I'LL SEND YOU LIKE 173904 LOVE LETTERS AND DRAWINGS AND GIFTS" and I was like awwh that's sweet, maybe I should give this bitch a third chance.

First day of camp, I immediately write her a letter after I unpack and send it the same day.

Around the fourth week I still have legitimately no sign of life from her end so I get a bit upset and send her another letter.

All of my cabin mates of course want to send her something rude because I've informed them all about her but I'm like 'No, just send something gay so it seems like I have multiple lovers'

I got n o t h i n g from her the entire two months.

I get back home, receive my phone back and find that she's texted me claiming she got my letters and sent some back but they didn't get there in time

I responded very casually and calmly and she
Fucking
Flipped.
She was so excited I was back and it made me feel so special and happy but then my subconscious was like

No

So I kept it casual, she still flirted, I did none in return, and eventually our conversations died out and I haven't talked to her in a month or two.

I still miss talking to her and that feeling I got when she talked and made me feel like the most important person ever

I want desperately to text her but at the same time, what if she's completely forgotten about me and is like "oh ew i remember you, why are you even texting me"?

Then I remember

She was fucking ugly

So if you could, please become my lover and help me get away from feelings thank you ily

Whoooooo ex's and emotions