reasons you should totally not love me

1/13 8:48 gray days

my favorite type of days are the days when you've just been so depressed for the past few weeks that your mind just goes into autopilot and everything just feels all grey and fuzzy and you do everything in an order and you're just really numb it's just really nice
it feels like a really cozy blanket around you the entire day and you're just happily feeling nothing

but today i feel this throbbing bright orange feeling in the back left of my brain just saying get out get out get out get out

i need to get out of my house for my next year of high school i need to go to a boarding school or i just need to run or swim or fly i just need to leave my house my father whenever he walks in the room i get this jolt of anxiety whenever his car pulls up in the driveway i have to make sure im not doing anything wrong it's awful i dont want to spend my life like this i need to get out get out i have to get out leave just go run get out edie walk out of the door and just run leave please get out get out get out

im seeing a new therapist on monday so my mom suggested the topic i talk about is him

i wish it wasn't only a one hour session