reasons you should totally not love me

car for lovers aka midnight rambles pt.7485

this is just bs that i feel like writing i'll probably delete it tmrw ok here we go

i always thought my first love would be a person but it's a car so ? thats a thing ig
its a sixty seven cadillac that my dad had back in highschool or smthing and im gonna fix it up over the summer as my big "end of the year" shop class project and its gonna be my first permanent car if i can get it to work

but once i fix it i wont know what to do with it because it has a creme white exterior with original red interior and it seems like the type if car made for lovers and one of my biggest fears is that i will be alone always i cant even picture myself in that car with someone because
all i can think about is me being alone for the extension of my life like jesu s im so unlovable and dumb and i hate myself so much for just existing most of the time but im learning to not do this i swear maybe when i learn i will love is that how it works i dont
know im only young and i have so much time to figure this out and it will happen in time thats what alyssa says
everytime i visit her and i talj about my anxiety and issues something says to me "ur a fuckin disappointment u pussy haha u need a therapist for your petty issues fuckin kys" and i never curse im so sorry i just
want to run away and go under a false identity and start again maybe as a german exchange student or a social jock who kisses all the boys or a rough kid from the bronx i just
dont want to be me right now because i dont even know
who i am i feel like i
cant breathe and i dont
want to breathe i want to run

haha k bye