reasons you should totally not love me

unrequited love story

i have about ten drafts of me trying to word this same topic over and over again so now i'm going to just ramble

buckle up for an emotionally stressing roller coaster kiddos

o k a y

i have a friend

who has a boyfriend

and another few crushes on attractive people

and we've been best friends for around three years now

and i think i love them

i mean i dont know but i know i'd do literally anything to keep our friendship and maintain their happiness

and i've been with them throughout so many heartbreaks and falling in love moments just supporting them

and i mean everyone at school jokes about how we're a couple and even their boyfriend ships us and i joke about it too

but a few nights ago i was in my bed trying to fall asleep then keRCHOw i started sobbing out of nowhere because i was thinking about that person and just the fact they weren't there and now i have so much stress on my back just wondering if i love love them

its s o confusing

because

i would jump at the chance to have a romantic attachment to them and for them to love me

but if they had a true love that was not me i would go to the ends of the earth to get them together 

i willingly put their life over mine

but i always feel so s h i t t y about myself whenever they text me and talk about who they like and i know i shouldnt but i do anyway because im a clingy piece of garbage

i just

am r e a l l y done with this

idk im emotionally drained and if i write anything more i'll cry so bye

hope you all have a good day/night !

3/10 UPDATE ON THIS;;;

turns out they are a v crappy friend and i don't love them so that's great