Something Great

Chapter 34 - Revelations and Birth

Chapter Thirty Four- Revelations and Birth

*Louis' POV*

I stand there next to Niall, listening to Harry sing to our children to the tune of Niall's humming. It's quiet and calm, almost peaceful, but there is a tension in the room that is making it hard for me to stay quiet. I hate it. I feel fidgety and uneasy, I want to make it go away, fix it somehow. But there is no fixing it. There is no fixing us.

"Still forty minutes." Harry mumbles pulling me out of my thoughts.

Did he just have a contraction? He must have. Damn. I glance at the clock then back to Harry.

Niall takes a shaky breath then stutters a bit as he tries to find the right words to say. "... I- uh... I wanted to apologize...I didn't think... I didn't handle the situation well... I'm sorry. I'm sorry for leaving."

"It's okay Niall. I'm sorry for reacting the way I did." Harry replies calmly. "But I think Zayn and Liam should know what happened."

What? No no no! You're not going to pressure him into anything! Not if I have anything to say about-

"Yeah..." Niall let out a nervous breath. "Uh... So I'm not doing so well."

I turn to him and whisper, nearly begging him. "Niall, you don't have to do this."

"No, Louis... I do. It's not fair for me to keep this from them." Niall sighs then looks into my eyes. "It's okay."

"Okay." It's not okay. But I nod.

"I've been struggling for a while now."

More than a while.

"I uh... I've been ... hurting .... Myself."

Hurting, mutilating, sobbing yourself to sleep, puking your guts out, bleeding out in the bath, starving yourself... Shall I go on?

"Not enough to kill myself,"

It's come close a few times.

"but just enough so I can feel it,"

Feel it, wallow in it same difference right?

"and I can see it."

The blood you mean.

" I'm sorry."

Don't apologize to them! They hurt you worse then you ever hurt yourself! They hurt us! Why do you think we do this? God Niall! You always take responsibility for things you don't need to that's what you told me not to do! That that would kill me! And it's killing you!

"Niall-" Liam goes to say something but Niall is not going to be alone on this one. Damn it... I guess we're both in therapy now.

"He's not alone." I say quietly. Huh... Not as much anger and triumph behind those words as I wanted there to be.

I look to Niall and see him looking at me with wide eyes. "Louis... You didn't have to.." He tells me.

"You really thought I was going to let you go through this alone?" I ask as I put my arm around his waist.

"Why?" Zayn asks.

Why? Why..... Good fucking question.

I begin to speak without thinking saying things I think are true. Things I've told myself many time. Things I've told Niall many times. It started while we were on the press tour I think... Maybe? I was feeling bad before that though... Niall and I didn't know each other we're doing it... I saw his scars and ignored them, he saw some blood in the shower and cleaned it up. We couldn't even face each other.