Diving Deep (UK Crush #2)

Chapter 3

"Still no word from Matthew?" Teddy asked me as we settled down with the kittens to watch a movie after dinner.

I shook my head. The very first night, after I'd arrived at this house, I'd written a very difficult letter to Matty, an actual hand written, snail mail letter, and mailed it off to his house in Scotland, explaining my situation with Teddy and how it had changed. I didn't want to talk to him via text; I felt I owed him as close to an in person explanation as I could manage, and a letter felt more personal than even a FaceTime.

When I'd met the boys in Japan, to be the interpreter for their movie, Matty had made his feelings for me clear very early, and I felt bad that the thing I'd assured him wouldn't happen, namely Teddy and me becoming a couple, had actually come to pass. I didn't want these guilty feelings hanging over my head. I was so happy, and having things unresolved with Matthew was just a huge cloud in my life.

I'd asked him to contact me when he received my letter. I hadn't occurred to me that he would just be silent, that he wouldn't respond at all. I wasn't sure what it meant.

I sighed and leaned back into Teddy's arm, getting ready to watch The Babadook, one of the best horror movies of recent years. I'd seen it before, but Teddy hadn't, and it was definitely worth a second viewing. The kitties, whom we'd named Lucy and Molly, had learned to give us a few minutes to get comfortable before joining us; they climbed onto our laps and curled up, purring, as usual.

Teddy kissed my temple, saying, "You just have to give him some time. He never was one to jump into anything. He's probably up there figuring out how he wants to respond. And I'm sure he's hurt, too."

I paused the opening credits and turned to him. "I don't want to think about him up in Scotland all alone and hurting." I leaned my head into his chest.

"Who said he's alone?" Teddy countered. "His address got out on the internet months ago, I'm sure he's not wanting for company."

I sat up, displacing Lucy in the process. "What do you mean?" I asked.

He looked at me, tucking some loose hair behind my ear. "What do you think I mean, darling?" He asked me gently. "It was a long and trying five weeks for Matthew in Japan, you know? Do you think he's up there in Scotland just pining for you still?" Gray eyes looked into mine. "Even perfect Matthew gets lonesome, you know, and has physical needs. That's all I'm saying, okay?"

I looked down as I digested this information. This was something I'd never considered. I'd gotten used to thinking of all of the boys as my exclusive property, in a way. None of them had girlfriends, and none of them had entertained any female company while they'd been filming in Japan, with me as their interpreter, so it had been easy to slip into that way of thinking. But of course they wouldn't just continue to be celibate, especially after they'd gone back home, where they'd have privacy and be comfortable and everything. And apparently they'd have their pick of groupies, too. But somehow the thought of Matty with some random fan that he plucked out of a waiting throng hurt. He deserved more than that.

But what he deserved or didn't deserve was none of my business, was it? I had forfeited the right to have an opinion on that subject when I had chosen not to be with him.

But that wasn't true, either. I was his friend, no matter what, and I was always allowed to have an opinion on what was good for a friend, wasn't I? Surely my opinion still counted for something?

The sound of Teddy's gentle laughter interrupted my internal argument, and I looked at him inquiringly.

"Yes, Birdie, you are allowed to care about Matty and who he's with, even if that person isn't you," he answered, as if I'd asked out loud.

"Are you clairvoyant?" I stared in amazement. "How did you know what I was thinking?"

"You're so transparent, my darling little hummingbird," he said with a smile. "You love us boys, so much, you care about us to such an extreme that one can almost feel it coming off you in waves. It's perfectly okay, I know how much you love the others, I know how you feel about Matty, and I know how upset you are about him, about how much you feel you've hurt him. I've tried to stay out of things, because nothing good has ever come of me getting between you two." He reached up and touched the scar that ran along my jawline, just under my left ear, making me shiver involuntarily. I reached for his hand and kissed it, between the knuckles.

"But, after ten days, perhaps the time for staying silent, for staying out of things, has passed. So, do you want my opinion, my advice?" He asked me, moving Molly off himself and pulling me onto his lap. "Hmm? My darling little half Japanese cupcake with the wonderful smelling hair?" He hugged me and smelled my hair, placing random kisses wherever he could reach me.