Diving Deep (UK Crush #2)

Chapter 11

Matthew asked if he could talk to me alone the next morning after breakfast. Teddy nodded and headed off to exercise, leaving us on the patio with the kittens and our coffee and tea.

I looked at him expectantly. Finally I was going to learn the reason for his surprise visit.

He took my hand across the table. "First, I want to apologize for leaving you hanging so long after that lovely letter you wrote me. It was beautiful and heartfelt, and more than I deserved, considering how I left you to twist in the wind." As I opened my mouth to respond, he continued talking with a shake of his head.

"Second, I want to apologize for just dropping in on the two of you out of the blue like this, basically barging in on what little private time you had. I've already apologized to Theo for this."

"Honestly, Matty, we're happy to have you. I'm so, so happy to see you, you can't even imagine how glad I was when you walked in." I squeezed his hand. " I missed you so much. I just wish I could see Ronan and Geth, too."

"I know you're wondering why I came, after I basically said in that text that I couldn't stand the thought of the two of you together, that I was just waiting for Theo to break your heart. I mean, it's like coming to look at a railway accident. Sort of morbid, don't you think?"

I squeezed his hand again.

"I just wanted to see for myself what the two of you were like. I mean, I know I can't really tell how you're going to work out as a couple in one day, I'm not that daft, but I thought I could just maybe get a feel for things, just catch a vibe, you know? And I wanted to see you out in public, to see Theo, really, to see how he'd respond to all those women who usually just crawl under the table to give him blow jobs while he drinks champagne."

"And?" I looked at him as I drank my coffee. "Do you have a verdict? On the little that you did see?"

"He's like a different person. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes. Usually the first few days he's home after a tour his house is a raving circus, a zoo, crawling with women, drink, drugs, and the most depraved mix of people you'd ever care to see. I couldn't believe it when I walked in and saw you sitting here with a lapful of kittens and knitting." He smiled, and I smiled back.

"The last time I was here, that room that's now a library was basically a nonstop drug fueled orgy, and this rose garden he's made for you was a hot tub that you weren't allowed to enter if you were wearing anything," he continued. "He really moved mountains to change this place up for you, and in less than two weeks? It's amazing.""

"Well, you're right, I suppose, it's only been two weeks, who knows what'll happen two months from now?" I said lightly.

"Oh, Tink, don't say that," Matty said, leaning forward in his chair. "He needs you to have faith in him, he really does." I realized that the two of them must have spoken at some point during the morning. "This is huge for him. He's trying to shed his old skin and become a new man for you, and I really think he can do it, if for no other reason than he wants it so damned much." He hitched his chair closer to me and laid his hand on my arm. "He loves you, he really, really loves you. And that's brand new to him. He's questioning his value as a person, because he doesn't think he deserves you. Part of that is my fault, because of things I've said to him in the past. I've apologized to him for what I said, but the damage is already done."

"I know he feels that way," I said with a sigh. "I've tried to tell him, many, many times, that I don't feel that way at all. I think I'm so lucky that he put up with my bullshit for as long as he did, that he saw something in me worth waiting for, that for whatever reason, with all of the women available to him, he chose me--" a tear surprised me by spilling over and running down my face. Usually I knew they were coming. I swiped at it, but not before Matty saw it. He made a face of sympathy and drew me onto his lap, which was, let's face it, one of my favorite places to be, and held me.