The Beginning to The End (Some Phan)

⚠️Part 8⚠️

⚠️self harm in this chapter. Towards the end, will say where⚠️

-Dan-

"Dan you have to let go" He whispered into my ear.
"I can't, it's my fault that you're dead!" I shouted and got up from my bed to sit in the corner of my room, it felt familiar this same possion. It's like when I got bullied at school, I'd just sit here and cry for hours.
"Honey,are you okay?" My mum burst into the room.
"Yeah, I'm just" I didn't know what to say.
"Just what?" She sat next to me.
"I can't live anymore, I need him" I hugged her.
"It's ok" She hugged me back tighter.
She left the room after a while, I can't do it anymore not just that, I 'm going crazy, my best friend and I'm not sure what's real anymore.
"Well I'm  not" I saw Phil again.
"Why did you die?"
"It was my time Dan, you got to get on with your life, make a video, you make so many people happy now you're just being selfish"
"It's my life and I can do what I want and there's just no point without you" I tried not shout, my family must like I'm crazy.
"They're don't, they're just worried about you"
I know he's right and it hurts.
"You have to move on" He sat next t me.
"Why, why are you so real" I cried that all I could do.
"How should I know, maybe I'm a ghost" He laughed sliently.
"Phil, why couldn't I have realised that I love you"
"It's loved, I'm dead" He corrected.
"You're an asshole even after death"
"I know you loved me"
I just turned away, I am so empty inside right now, not to mention the medicine I'm taking. I decided to see if the one thing that's made me feel could help so I took out the box that I knew was still under my bed.

⚠️right here sorry⚠️

There as I knew was the box of razorblades I had as a teen.
Maybe just maybe it could help. I slide the cold blade on my skin feeling nothing, I did it again, nothing, I did it again and again going deeper and deeper, I started crying again out of frustration this time, but I couldn't feel anything...