Phan One Shots - jilliancares

Thinking Out Loud

tw: cursing, unintended homophobia (like, its not really even that), um low self-esteem

If Phil could choose, if life could be so simple that he could just choose to not be telepathic, he would. He didn't like being able to peer into strangers mind's and know that they were running late for their own kid's birthday party or were depressed because of a recent divorce. If he could choose to ditch his ability on the side of a road and drive far, far away, then he would happily jump in his car and find a nice, long, empty road. It just wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that he had to put up with everyone's problems. This women thought her husband was cheating on her and this teenager was feeling insecure. After a whole life of feeling everyone's problems climb into Phil's mind, he had learned to stop caring.

Why care for the old lady who knew her days were dwindling when it would only cause him anxiety and a strange sense of guilt for not being able to do anything? After only ten years of this weird ability, full of accidental responses to people's thoughts and kind reassurances for just what someone was worrying about, Phil had finally managed to shove others out of his mind. At ten years of age he was already beginning to care less about others, simply because he was tired of caring too much.

And seven years later, at the ripe age of seventeen, not much had changed. Phil still barely managed to drag up the empathy from the depths inside him to provide for his friends and family, though he wouldn't even bother for strangers. Most of the time he could block people's intruding thoughts out of his mind, he'd learned how to over time, but occasionally there was someone stubborn, who's pesky thoughts couldn't be swatted out of Phil's head.

Because of this, Phil happened to have a least favorite person. Someone who he glared at on sight, made him clench his fits deep in his pocket and resist the urge to hiss. This person was a rather short boy (compared to Phil anyway, who had hit his growth spurt and never stopped growing) with dull brown hair, tired eyes, and thoughts that were irritating as fuck.

Phil walked past him everyday on his way to school. He didn't go to the same school as him (Phil knew from the boy's very thoughts, as well as the fact that he'd never seen him in school before) but their houses were placed in such a way that they crossed paths in order to walk to their respective schools.

It was, surprisingly, also because of this boy that Phil way almost glad that he could do what he could. He would still abandon the ability at the drop of a hat, but since he was stuck with it, he could at least enjoy it through this boy.

And don't mistake his enjoyment of the boy's thoughts for him not being irritated any longer, oh no, he still wanted to break a limb when they crossed paths, but that was simply habit. They'd been crossing paths for weeks now, as the boy was new, and at first his thoughts had been loud and boisterous and even more anxiety-ridden than Phil's. Now they were less-so, but the sight of him reminded Phil of how he'd felt passing him each day.

Oh no, a person, the boy's thoughts had projected, butting into Phil's mind, which had been pleasantly quiet before then. He'd tried to concentrate on blocking the stranger out, but it was near impossible. This had been the boy's first day at his school, and as he saw Phil his mind had bubbled over with a million thoughts, thoughts of worry and nervousness and 'what if this boy trips me as I pass' and 'he's so tall he could step on me if he wanted'. The boy had ended up determinedly staring at his feet as he walked past Phil, letting out a shaky breath as he went and blowing his fringe out of his eyes.

After a few days it had become a regular thing, the boy and Phil walking past each other, the boy worrying that Phil was silently judging him, and Phil silently judging him for thinking that he was so shallow.