Phan One Shots - jilliancares

You're My (First) Mate

Summary: In which Dan and Phil are pirates and the only way to escape a giant squid monster is to go through the Isle of Marriage, which one cannot sail through unless the captain of a ship is married. Cue forced marriage aboard a pirate ship between two boys that hate each other.

Word Count: 3.7k

Genre: Smut (but with plot ygm. smut just happens to happen at the end)

Naturally, it hadn't been their first plan. In fact, they'd had several plans that had come before this one, it was just that so far, none of the others had worked.

"What are we going to do?" Peg Leg Rivers demanded, staring at the captain. Phil looked stressed, his hair a mess from how often he'd run his hand through it. Dan resisted the urge to huff—they wouldn't be in this mess if Phil had just listened to Dan's suggestion in the first place. But then, Phil never listened to his suggestions. Honestly, the only reason Dan was first mate was because he was the only one competent enough to not get Phil killed while in the position. Phil definitely wouldn't have chosen him if he'd had a better crew for this journey.

It'd been months now. Dan hadn't walked on solid ground for many moons, not that he minded very much. He loved the sea, he was made for it, though of course, that wasn't the deal for everyone. At night he could hear men whispering and complaining down in the barracks, grumbling that the captain didn't even seem to have a plan anymore, that he was just taking them in endless circles. Dan was beginning to fear a mutiny, in which case he was obligated to take Phil's side, being his first mate.

But Phil was being ridiculous. Originally, they'd set out to... erm... secretly obtain... King Robert's famous golden chalice. Sure, they wanted the money they could get from selling it, along with the glory they would receive from actually being the ones to steal it, but there was more to it than that. It was said that those who drank from the golden chalice could obtain what their heart most desired, and to scrounge up a crew, Phil had promised any member who joined him on his dangerous journey (and lived) would get to take a sip.

He'd come to Dan's door last, and rather reluctantly, after realizing that he'd obtained barely any experienced pirates and was likely to have a much, much smaller crew by the end of his mission.

"What do you want?" Dan had snarled, after opening the door to what most wouldn't actually call a house. More like a hut. Built on land he hadn't paid for. In secret.

Phil had swallowed his pride (and hatred for Dan) and asked for him to come on the journey. Dan hadn't been inclined to say yes at first, but Phil had offered to give him, along with a sip from the chalice, a share of the gold. The mention of treasures had made Dan's fingers twitch, as they always did, and he'd found his traitorous mouth agreeing before his brain had quite finished thinking everything through.

And now he was here. He was first mate and still sleeping in the barracks like a common crew member. He was first mate and his captain was still refusing to take his advice into account. He was first mate and it was very, very possible that he was about to eaten by a giant fucking squid.

Okay, maybe it wasn't exactly a squid, but... it had tentacles. And sure, there were razor sharp rows of teeth along every tentacle, but what else was Dan supposed to call a giant sea creature with this many slimy legs? Or were they arms?

As Dan watched Phil struggle to come up with some sort of solution, a tentacle snaked up the side of the ship and snatched Two Toed Sam, who screamed once before being plunged underwater.

"We'll have to fight," Phil decided, and Dan groaned as Rivers nodded, his mouth now set into a grim line. And Dan knew he wasn't supposed to argue with his captain, especially not after he'd given a command, and definitely not in front of a crew member, but honestly! Phil was going to get them killed!