Living without you is harder than you think

The end of what????

I got up waiting for the pain to go away. What even happened last night? I saw that I was in a white t-shirt what was over sized on my. I opened to see if i was even wearing bottoms. I gasped and dropped the blanket. Nope. Oh man Oh man Ohmanohmanohamnoham.. This is so not good. I thought to myself. I bit my lip in nervousness. I cant believe... I turned over to see Tao with no shirt on. "Oh my god...." I felt like crying. How could i do this? How could he let me do this? Why would he let me do this? I cant believe I slept with him and betrayed Sehun like this. I didn't want to have sex with anyone but him and here i am not wear anything but Taos' shirt. I felt the tears fall from my eyes onto the sheets. I saw I had socks. My hair was  mess and my make up was everywhere. I shook my head trying to make myself  believe this never happened. It wasn't suppose to happen. I heard Tao grown and turn over to me. I Moved over getting off the bed. I fell to the ground when the pain from between my legs hit. This was only the third time I had sex. I still wasn't used to the pain. 

Tao got up and rushed to my side helping me up. I pushed him of. "How could you take advantage of me?" I hissed at him. He stared at me with guilt then anger. "I didn't take advantage of you!" He defended his side. He yell made my head throb. I held my head and squeezed my eyes shut. He grabbed my elbow helping me up walking me to the bathroom. He sat me on the counter and grabbed lotion and put it on a towel. "I didn't take advantage of you. You told me." He sighed and stopped wiping the mascara off them continued. "You told me how much you regretted giving yourselve to Sehun and it should have been to me. I do admit I messed up by kissing you. But you told me you loved and you meant it and how you never wanted things to end up this way. You kissed me again and I still love you. We both messed up but drunk or not I hope you can still remember how we both felt something during it." He said wiping off the lipstick from my chin and cheeks. He grabbed the medicine basket and opened up three different bottles. "This," He said holding up a long white one. "Is for the pain." He said and help up a small round pill. "This is for the head ache." he held up the last one. "This is for helping to heal faster." He looked down and then back at me. OH to heal faster down there....

I took them all and he brought me some clothes and got the shower ready for me. He helped me get in and then left. I took a long hot shower hoping that this hang over would go away soon. It felt like my brain was to big for my skull and was trying to come out of my eyes. I got out and dried off putting on the cloths Tao gave me and walked out. I grabbed my phone and saw I had 43 missed calls from Kyungsoo, Chanyeol, BAekhyun, And Jongin. I put my phone down and walked over to the kitchen.. "Hey." he said heading me black coffee and sugar bread. I chugged down the coffee and wolfed down the break. I put my head down and sighed. "Hey its okay." He said putting his hand on my shoulder. I nodded. "I just cant believe I did that to you. I just wish I would have at least remembered it." I said truthfully. "Memories of yesterday will come back don't worry. Just be glad most of it is forgotten. It wasn't your best night." He tried to joke but I felt like I was regretting everything. "You are a truthful drunk. It was truthful some of the things that you said but it was true. I am sorry for having sex with you." He said. I shook my head and got up. "I need to go home and tell the boys i'm okay and i will get my stuff and bring it here." He nodded and got up grabbing the keys. 

I got to the house and walked in with a limp. "Oh my god are you okay?" Kyungsoo asked bringing me to the couch. "Yeah. Some stuff happened." I lied and kyungsoo nodded. Sehun looked at me and scuffed. "No Tao fucked her." He spoke out making my eyes widen. "Is that true? Why would he take advantage of you like that?" Kyungsoo question. I shook my head and tried to deny it. "Shut up Sehun who told you to even talk!" I got angry. "Awe you defending your new boyfriend?" He acted jealous. "Don't be mad just cause your hoe didn't stick around." I spat back. He smirked at me. "No its because I broke it off with her." He said. I stayed quite. Kyungsoo furrowed his eyebrows about to walk up to Shun but I grabbed his arm and stopped him. Jongin fist connected with Sehuns jaw sending him to the floor. "kai!" I screeched. "Don't you ever call her that. If anything she made you look better. You had nothing against her. You stupid-" I cut them off. "That's enough." Jongin stopped immediately and walked over to me. He got me on his back and carried me to my room. Well my old room at least. 

"Are you okay?" He asked and I simply nodded. "Did you and Tao really do it?" He asked. I hesitantly nodded and he sighed. "I just felt so hurt and I guess I told Tao i should have given it up to him and I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't have feeling for him and Sehun is out of the question. I just don't know what to do." I held me head. He sat next to me and held me. I cried and cried. I didn't know what to do at this point I just messed around with a person I don't have feelings for and got called a hoe from the person I shared my feelings with. Like seriously I have no answers.

Jongin got up and I watched. "Look there is something I need to get off my chest but I don't know how but please don't hate me for it." He said then turned away. "Lookihavealwayshadfeelingsforyouandiwantedttellyoubutyouweresohurticouldnt!" He said fast. "What?" I asked. "I have feelings for you." He said once more. I got up and hugged him. "I'm sorry if right now I don't feel the same but at the moment everything is hard for me and I need to get things straightened out before i date again." He sighed and nodded. "I do love you kai but not in that way yet." I kissed his cheek and smiled at him. "I do love being around you though. You are good for begging my shoulder to cry on and you are the sweetest person in the world to me." I hugged him again. I have never had to reject someone in my life, But rejecting kai was like rejecting a kid when he is trying to tell you he wants you to stay and not leave. Kai was taller than me so I had to stand on my toes and he didn't hug back he just kept his face in my neck. I released and smiled at him. "Kai i am going to stay at Taos' house only because I cant stand to see Sehun right now and when Sehun finally apologizes then I will come back." I said and kissed his forehead. He nodded and then was going to say something but then didn't. "What is it?" he sighed and then spoke. "Please don't sleep with him again." He said. I nodded and grabbed my stuff and walked out, well more like limped out. 

A/N:So I want to say thank you to @external_exotic_exol for always reading and for the lovely comments I get from her. Thank you so much and I hope this book is still very interesting <3