September 10, 2014 7:31 pm
John could hear Shawn playing the guitar as he climbs up the tree. He knows he could just knock on the door, but he had to admit this was much more fun. Once he is outside Shawn's window, he waits. He watches as Shawn writes something down in the small notebook, and continues to strum the guitar.
After a while, he taps lightly on the window. Shawn turns around, he gets up and places the brown guitar on his bed.
"Really?" Shawn shakes his head as he opens the window to let John in. John smiles and goes in through the small window.
"It's fun." He brushes himself off and sits on Shawn's bed. He grabs his guitar and hands it to Shawn.
"Play me a song?" John asks Shawn, who stands there with his hands in his pockets
"What- now?" Shawn avoids eye contact by looking around his room.
"Please, for me?" John pleads with a small smile, Shawn looks at him and sighs. Their fingers softly brush against each other's as Shawn takes the guitar from his hand.
Shawn ignores the small shiver he gets from the simple touch, he grabs the chair from his desk and brings it closer to John. He sits on it and places the guitar on his lap. "Uh, what song do you want me to play?"
"Didn't you say you sometimes write your own? Play one of yours." John scoots over at the edge oft he bed, Shawn's leg slowly bounces up and down from being anxious.
"Oh- they aren't- its only one song, it isn't good and I only have the beginning, it's not finished." Shawn could feel his cheeks starting to become hot.
"It's okay, I wanna hear what you have." John urges him and Shawn starts to fidget with his pick.
"Okay, alright." Shawn gives in and John clasps his hands together, placing them on his lap. Shawn sits up straight and glances at his notebook.
Shawn starts to gently strum the guitar, he looks up at John, "So I only have some lyrics, the rest is just me humming." John simply nods, Shawn smiles one more time before focusing back on the movement of his fingers.
Shawn closes his eyes and hums the beginning of his song, the he starts to sing;
"I keep craving, craving, you don't know it but it's true"
John immediately gets goosebumps as the words leave Shawn's lips.
"Can't get my mouth to say the words they want to say to you"
John watches closely at how Shawn sings, his jaw slightly clenched, and he had his eyes closed. He wasn't even looking at the fingerboard.
"This is typical of love, can't wait anymore, I won't wait I need to tell you how I feel when I see us together forever"
John lays back on the bed and closes his eyes, enjoying Shawn's soothing voice, and thinking about the lyrics at the same time. Goosebumps still noticeable on his arms.
Shawn also had goosebumps, this is the first time he sings for someone other than his parents. He wanted to open his eyes but he was scared to see John's reaction. Is he in tune? Is his singing okay? The more he thought, the more he got nervous. He kept thinking how this was a bad idea, but he would remind himself that John is his best friend, and he would never criticize him.
"In my dreams you're with me. We'll be everything I want us to be, and from there who knows.."
Shawn abruptly stops playing, he opens his eyes and looks over at John who was now staring at the ceiling. He sits up and claps, and Shawn becomes flustered at the small gesture.
"That was beautiful! You have an amazing voice, oh my god." John's hands start to hurt so he stops and reaches over to give Shawn a high five instead. Shawn gives him a weird look but still high fives him.
"Sorry, I just had an urge to high five you."
Shawn laughs, "Its alright, you give good high fives." He stands up and sets his guitar by his desk.
John grins, "I do." Shawn walks over and sits next to John on his small bed.
Awkward silence starts to quickly fill the room, and both boys try to desperately think of something to talk about.
"How'd you come up with those lyrics?" John curiously asks, Shawn takes a deep breath and exhales while making a face.
"Well I really don't know? I have these dreams, and I cant really remember what they are about. But when I wake up I quickly write down somethings I remember." Shawn explains, hoping he makes sense.
"I kinda get what you are saying." John looks around the room, then notices a picture of their group up on his wall. It was just of John, Emily, Jessica, and Noah, they were all together laughing about god knows what.
"Hey! That's us!" John happily points out, Shawn looks at the picture. "I can't believe we made the wall!" John smiles widely
"Of course you guys are, you guys invited me into your group. I owe you guys so much," Shawn looks at John, he makes small eye contact while occasionally looking down at the shape of his small lips. "-especially you." Shawn finishes his sentence. John looks at him and becomes breathless, he takes a quiet deep breath and slowly lets it out.
Shawn's head was spinning, he was confused on what was happening. No one has ever made his brain feel funny and his heart race like John.
John licks his lips, he starts to slowly lean in, but quickly brings himself back. "Well I have to go." They both get up from the bed and walk to the window, awkwardly bumping into each other. They both mutter a shy 'sorry' and John climbs out the window. He kneels down outside and looks in the room, "I need to finish my homework." He lies, Shawn obviously knows it's a lie because John always finishes his work.
"Ah, right." Shawn decides to go with it, he didn't want to do something without thinking. "Goodnight." Shawn gives him a small smile, and John returns it.
"Sweetdreams." John carefully climbs down the tree and starts to walk away without looking back.
Shawn shuts his window and sits on his bed. He rests his head in his open hands and groans. His pulse was still rapid, and he could still recall the feeling he got when John's fingers brushed his. He's never felt this way about a guy before. He didn't want to feel this way about a John, or any guy. He honestly wanted a girl to make him feel this way.
He brings his head back up and looks at his bedside table. He gets up and walks over to it, picking up the daisy, it was starting to wilt, but it didn't matter. It still looked pretty, he puts it behind his ear and he stares at himself in the mirror.
Maybe this is who he wants to be. Slowly trying to break free. The thought terrified him, not everyone is accepting, that includes his parents.
He places the daisy on his desk. No he cant be, he has to be what his parents want him to be. Anyways John probably doesn't even like him like that, he has made it pretty clear that they are just friends.
But what Shawn didn't know was that outside, John was beating himself up. Beating himself up for not taking a risk and kissing Shawn or asking him how he felt.
Maybe he didn't do it today, but he can always do it another day.
