Blinding Love

Hope is a Cruel Word

Sophia

"Hey Sophia is everything okay? Everyone's worried about you. Sophia answer, please."

I laid on my bed ignoring Chelsea's pleas. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I couldn't face them right now. I couldn't even face myself.

I'm a terrible person. I'm so stupid and naïve. It hurt seeing Matt walk away. It was like a slap to the face.

But his pained expression hurt even more - the rejection in his eyes, I've never seen Matt look so hurt and I found myself wishing that I hadn't. He stuck with me for so long while feeling like this just to end up being stabbed in the heart multiple times.

By me.

Of all people.

I buried my face in my pillow, I wish this was all a dream. I wish none of this ever happened. I wish Matt didn't like me.

But most of all... I wish Matt was still here, with me, with us.

"Sophia, answer please," Chelsea begged from outside the door. "Let's talk, you know I'm here for you. We all are."

I opened my mouth, "I-I'm okay, just going to sleep."

"Sophia, your voice cracked. You've been crying."

"I just -- I just want to be alone," I mumbled, swallowing the huge lump in my throat.

"Alright, just..." she paused, "if you need anything tell me, okay?"

I didn't answer.

I'm sorry Chelsea.

I'm so sorry.

~~~

Matt

I shut the apartment door closed and threw my keys on the ground. I stared around the room, everything felt empty.

I sighed.

I was so damn stupid.

I told myself I wouldn't let my emotions get the best of me. I nearly kissed Sophia. She didn't return my feelings and I knew it from the start. I knew she didn't like me - I was her dirty, perverted player of a friend. The guy who slept with every girl without a care in the world.

But not you, Sophia. You were different. Damn it, you're crazy, creepy, and so...so damn beautiful. I wanted to be there, even if it was just as a friend. I told myself, if she's happy, I'm happy.

But I'm not. I can't be happy. She likes Zayn not me, Zayn. I felt something hit my hand.

I laughed, "Tears? I'm pathetic."

I rubbed my face, so this is what rejection feels like. Why? Why didn't I just play it cool? Why did I let these...these stupid feelings get the best of me?

Why Zayn?

Why him?

I wanted to kiss her. To tell her that I've been liking her since we were kids. But who would believe that?

I slept with all those girls, hoping that one day Sophia would tell me to stop, to stop because it hurt her seeing me with other girls.

But it didn't, because Sophia never liked me and after tonight, she won't even want to look at me.

I clenched my fists, "Damn you, Zayn." I stood up and grabbed the cup on the table, then threw it across the room, "Damn you."

I rubbed my face, crying is for the weak. I knew this would happen. Why am I surprised?