My Everything (sequel to Secret) //EDITING//

Forty Seven

{edited}

Harry POV {8 years ago}

I'm hanging out with Sadie currently.

She's hungry so we're in her kitchen. I sit at the island and watch her prepare herself something to eat.

I look to the person who enters and it's Sadie's younger sister.

It would we weird to say little sister because  they're only a year apart.

"What do you want May?" Sadie asks through a shrug.

That's her name.

May.

No one in her family talks about May so I didn't remember her name.

"I'm just uh," she pauses. "Getting s-something to eat."

"Again?"

"I w-wasn't d-down here at all today."

"Whatever get fat." Sadie says. I look from Sadie to May. Her shoulders shrug.

I don't see a resemblance between the two. Sadie has dark brown hair and May has a lighter shade. Both have different shades of blue eyes as well in their eyes. Overall, you couldn't pin them as sisters. Not to mention May isn't flat chested like Sadie.

"C'mon Harry lets go." I slide off the stool and walk with Sadie back to her room. My eyes glance back to May once more before leaving.

She's pretty.

May POV {present}

My head feels groggy the next morning. It could be the fact that I haven't eaten in hours or that I'm emotionally drained.

The other side of the hospital bed is empty causing me to sit up more. I itch my eyes and take a deep breath.

Soon the hospital room door opens and I see Harry. A paper bag in his hands.

He swings the trey in front of me and places down the bag and takes out fries and slides me a vanilla shake. "You need to eat."

I look up to Harry who's eyes look serious. Thinking about food makes me sick but I don't want to upset him. I take a fry and put it my mouth and chew.

A lump forms in my throat.

I swallow it down and slowly eat. Harry sits beside me. "D-do you w-want a fry?" I ask him.

"No, I'm fine. It's all yours."

"What d-did you have to e-eat?" I ask.

"Orange juice and a muffin." I nod and look back to the trey in front of me.

I rest my elbows on the surface and take a deep breath. "You okay?"

"No." I answer softly. The door opens with the Doctor behind it. My eyes become sadder and all I see in my head his him handing me my daughter who wasn't living.

"When can I go home?" I ask.

"In two or three days." I sigh.

"Why so long?" I ask.

"Your body needs time to heal properly after uh-" Dr. Westfall pauses.

"It makes it worse avoiding the topic. Just say it." I say.

"Your body needs time to heal properly after you gave birth yesterday. And that requires a few days." I lick my lips. "I came in here to tell you guys we ran an autopsy on your baby."

"What did you find?" Harry asks.

"We found that she had lower than normal levels of serotonin in the brainstem." Dr. Westfall pauses. "Serotonin helps regulate breathing, heart rate, and blood pressure. And her uh lungs weren't working right as well. They weren't fully developed it looks like."

I wasn't supposed to be due till next week.

"If I had her on time next week, would she be alive?" The Doctor remains silent making tears form in my eyes. "Answer please."

"Uh, it's not a definite answer but it's a 50/50. Her lungs could've developed a bit more and her levels of serotonin in her brainstem could've went to normal but it's hard to know. She could've died in her sleep in a few months from her levels, which is a cause of SIDS. But even with her lungs we have medical equipment that could've helped her lungs develop. But it's not your fault May."

Yes it is, no one wants to straight up say it to me though.

"Um, a nurse will be in here shortly to make sure your blood pressure and everything is good." The Doctor leaves and I stare at my hands.

"It's not your fault May."

"Yes it is."

"He said either way she could've died still. I'd rather it be now then when she's four months and sleeping." I bite my lip.

I wipe my eyes and lean back into the hospital pillows. "You aren't eating."

"I can't eat right now." I feel sick.

"You're going to get more sick if you don't eat. You're sugar is probably low as well as your cholesterol." My eyes glance to Harry. "I know this is a hard thing we're going through but you need to take care of yourself. You need to eat, and drink water or something; you just have to take care of yourself May. You can still grieve but it's not good to grieve and starve yourself."

I bite my lip and look forward. I grab a single fry and eat it. I sip my half melted shake and force myself to eat even though I don't want too.

The door opens and my eyes see my two sisters. I look down at my hands and Harry slips out of bed. "I'll give you guys some space to talk." His eyes meet mine before leaving.

"Don't they let you have the baby in a cart with you?" Ellie asks.

"Maybe is she was alive, yes." I end up saying out loud making my sisters eyes widen.

"What?" Sadie says with shock.

"Uh, she," I pause unable to say the last word. "died." The last word comes out low.

Their mouths fall open and I look away. "Oh my god." Ellie says softly. "I'm so sorry May."

I look to Sadie. Her eyes are welled up. "That's not fair to you or Harry. You both didn't do anything wrong to the world." She says. "Why couldn't you get the family? And why couldn't you make Mom feel like shit for not believing in you?"

I don't respond. I just finish off my fries and bite my lower lip. "How are you feeling?"

"Like garbage." I say honestly.

"Did you name her at least?" I nod.

"A-April Grace Styles is her full name." My fingers fidget. I miss her already. I held her once and I wish I could again. I wish I could kiss her cheeks and see her smile. Or I wish I could see her blue or green eyes crinkle up when she laughs or smiles.

Where is she now?

Ellie pulls me into her chest as I begin to sob. Is April alone? I don't want her to be alone. I want her with me, and Harry where she belongs.

Gods given me too many fucking life tests to go through. I think this is the last one I can take.

A://N

I gotta get to bed but here's another update x

Comment? :/

~Lauren