vox diabolus. » bts

SEPTEM

SESSION NINETY-EIGHT
CLIENT: KIM SEOKJIN
NOW RECORDING ... 00:00:01

??? : good afternoon, seokjin. how are you doing today? are you feeling better from last time?

SEOKJIN : i'm doing fine today, thank you. and yes, i'm feeling better. kind of.

??? : that's good to hear. you won't be leaving spontaneously like last time, right? i was slightly bewildered. it's okay to cry and let your emotions out; i'm here to listen. no need to run, alright?

SEOKJIN : s-sorry about that last time, sir. i can't think straight sometimes, and i get episodes like that... well, you know that already. you're my therapist. [ laughs nervously ]

??? : it's okay, seokjin. just talk comfortably. ramble on, just anything. has your roommate been well? you seemed to talk about him a lot in the last session. [ flips through papers ] you've brought him up... a significant number of times in the majority of the sessions, according to my notes.

SEOKJIN : ah, i think... i feel... i kind of feel as if he's going to leave me again, like how yoongi... [ pauses ] like how yoongi left. i can't afford to lose another valuable person in my life. i feel like... i might just want to die, if the worst happens. i'm just kind of paranoid that he'll leave like how he disappeared for a few weeks after yoongi's disappearance. it seemed as if it affected him a lot, too... now that i'm thinking back on it, i think... i think i've been really selfish... i was just thinking about how terrible i felt when jeongguk was probably... going through the same thing...

??? : seokjin... it's alright. don't blame yourself. it really isn't your fault. it may seem selfish now, but when you're really experiencing it... it's very different. don't let the hindsight get the better of you, seokjin. it won't do you any good.

SEOKJIN : [ gives a weak smile ] thanks.

??? : it's no problem at all. apart from that, i think you've been doing very well, and you've improved lots since your first visit here. i'm so proud of you. [ smiles ] so, seokjin, have you been taking your antidepressants?

SEOKJIN : yes, i have. it's really helping, but it kind of makes me feel bad about myself, knowing that i can't even make myself happy without chemicals running in my veins.

??? : seokjin, making yourself happy is no simple task. it looks easy, but it's very hard; please don't blame yourself for it. you're working very hard to achieve your goal, and you are doing very well. i'm actually impressed, so do not think you are going backwards or anything. anything else on how you feel? [ jots down brief notes on his clipboard ]

SEOKJIN : [ pauses ] i just... feel super paranoid. i'm aware of this issue, and i know that it's gotten much better since my first session, but... i just can't stop feeling like that. my anxiety has gotten much better, and i really want to thank you for that. [ smiles ]

??? : of course, seokjin. but you should be thanking yourself; i'm merely someone that you voice your inner thoughts out to, and someone who gives you advice. it's all in your hands whether to follow it or not. it's all you. it's a solo game. only you can make the difference, and i hope you know that you've done a good job of that; i can tell that you really want to get better. so i should be thanking you, too. i'm seeing significant results, especially with you coping with your PTSD symptoms.

SEOKJIN : [ smiles again shyly ] haha, i'm flattered... but anyways. i just wanted to voice a concern.

??? : go ahead, anytime. i'm all ears. it's what i'm here to do-i'm here to listen.

SEOKJIN : okay... well, i've just been feeling kind of... doubtful? i just... there's something that's been kind of bothering me, because it's been kind of off. i don't wanna say much about it yet, because i might just be getting ahead of myself... but i feel like it'll get worse one day, y'know? do you think i should speak up and confront them about it, or...

??? : it could be just stress-induced. you might be overworking yourself and it could be worsening your anxiety. i don't want to say it's over-thinking things, and i'd advise you to speak up about it, if you're comfortable with that, just to get it out of the way. but that's only if you think you can get something out of it.

SEOKJIN : okay. thanks for your viewpoint and stuff. i'll probably end up confronting him sometime soon.

??? : that's good! you're building confidence. i'm very proud, seokjin. you're one of my best clients i have here so far. not to overwork you with too many questions or anything, but have you seen any progress with recovering some of your memories?

SEOKJIN : ah... sadly, i haven't. i just remember my friend being gone, like he just disappeared in thin air. i guess the shock was just too much. i know i say that every time, but... and i know that it's a common side effect, temporal memory loss and all, but i just feel like i'm left with bits and pieces of a puzzle and i can't connect them together because i don't get the big picture. all i can think of is him, just disappearing without warning... i hope he's doing well. [ sniffles ]

??? : ah, seokjin. the tissues are to your left. thank you for answering a difficult question; i know it's one that gets you almost every time, but i wanted to see if you had remembered anything else from three years ago.

···

??? : this is dr. jung on the ninety-eighth session for client kim seokjin. thank you for your time, seokjin. i'll see you next week.

SEOKJIN : [ smiles ] you too!

RECORDING COMPLETE ... 01:08:54