When Stars Cross

Chapter 23

Chapter 23

I don't think I've ever been more terrified in my entire life. The feeling of possibly loosing someone that you love is indescribable. It makes your entire body numb to the core and your thoughts deafening. It felt like everything was in slow motion, or as if I was under water. I couldn't hear anything clearly, I couldn't move fast enough through the emergency room. Tears were burring my vision and it felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest. The words wouldn't even form in my mouth as the lady at the front desk fired questions rapidly. I felt Jordan's arms around me, pulling me to his side as tears streamed town my face.

We finally made it to his room and I almost collapsed at the sight of him. He looked horrible. Bruises colored his face and his lip was busted and cracked. There was an unusual amount of swelling in his cheeks and both of his eyes were black. My eyes immediately darted to the blue cast on his leg. I had never seen anyone in this of condition before. And it was all the more terrifying to know it's your boyfriend. Jordan stayed by the door as I slowly approached him on the hospital bed. The peach tile felt like ice under my bare feet.

I probably looked like a hot mess. I was wearing Jordan's t-shirt and my dress underneath with heels in hand.

"Hey." I croaked. My voice was extremely hoarse from crying, and I'm sure if my voice didn't give my despair away, then my puffy eyes definitely would. I made a decision I wasn't going to cry in front of Matt. I don't deserve it.

His eyes shot open and fluttered for a few seconds before focusing on me. A pained smile crept on his face and a pang of guilt retched through me.

"Hello, beautiful." Matt said in a raspy voice. I could practically hear my heart breaking more and more by the second. I sat down on the bed carefully and it squeaked under my weight. He took my hand in his rough, scratched one and squeezed tightly. The entire room was cold and uninviting, smelling like that signature doctors office smell.

"H-how are you feeling?" I said, stroking his sweat-drenched hair softly. His eyes closed at the feeling of my embrace and he sighs in relief and a light smile is plastered on my face. But it leaves as quickly as it came.

"It hurts. Everything hurts," He beings shakily. "I was thinking about you. What I had said was so wrong, and I can't even believe I listened to Janet for a second. I wasn't paying attention and ran a red light. The car hit me head on. I'm so sorry. I-"

"Stop, please, it's okay. Everything's going to be okay. I love you so much, Matt." I whispered, biting back sobs, as I pressed his fragile body into my embrace. I couldn't take it. The feeling of guilt overwhelmed me and I broke down emotionally. Eventually the entire shoulder of the hospital gown was drenched in salty tears. I heard the door close faintly but my mind was to numb to worry about anything except how I would beg for forgiveness.

How could I possibly cheat on Matt when he's in this kind of condition? He was in a head on collision while I was making out with Jordan. Someone who could care less about me. This had to stop. It shouldn't take Matt getting seriously injured for me to realize he's important to me. I love Matt, no questions asked. I may have a slight crush on Jordan, but it's not worth feeling like this. Ever.

I had never felt this amount of pain in my chest before. It felt as if I'd fractured something in there. It took over my whole body, and I had no one to blame but myself. It was a numb and overwhelming, and washed over my entire being until I was left with nothing. This wasn't who I was. I wasn't a cheater, and I had seen what it had done to my parents. The endless nights of screaming and arguing.

I made a horrible mistake, but it wouldn't make things better if I told Matt, would it? He would be furious. No, he would be destroyed. There's no way I can hurt him more than I already have. It would ruin us, and the bond that we've shared for almost a year now. I'm selfish and I can't let him go. He even warned me that Jordan was getting inside my head and I didn't listen. He was right. I need to get my priorities straight, no more fooling around.

Literally.

Suddenly, Matt's parents burst into the room and interrupted my thoughts abruptly. I leave them alone to have some privacy and exit the room full of sobbing family members. My heart ached for them.

As soon as I stepped outside of the stuffy hospital room I released a breath I felt like I'd been holding in for hours. Shamefully, my thoughts went immediately to Jordan's whereabouts.

He must be in the food court, we hadn't eaten in hours and it was almost 6 o'clock in the morning. The entire cafe escapade seemed like a life time ago. The media was probably having a field day right now and I had 7 missed calls from Janet and the movie press manager.

Basically, we were screwed.

I stumbled my way to the food court in hopes to find Jordan and some relief for my growling stomach. I laid eyes on the blonde haired boy the minute I entered the brightly lit room. He was facing the opposite direction and his shoulders looked slightly slumped. I dragged myself over to the stained gray table and cringed as the cold metal of the seat touched my back. The room smelt of stale French fries and Lysol, and the lights were so bright it stung my eyes.

Jordan didn't even acknowledge that I sat down and I was beginning to feel as if a knot was in my throat.

"Did you get something to e-"

"Save it. I don't want to make small with you," he bit fiercely. His eyes snapped up to mine and I saw the purest form of fury incased in them. I felt as though I had gotten slapped in the face. I don't know how much more I could take tonight.

"I'm done. If you want to stay here and pretend, then by my guest, but I won't sit here and watch you lie. Two can play at that game." The venom in his tone rocked me to my core and I felt my heart shattering for the second time tonight.

Two can play at that game.

He got up violently and left the hospital with a slam of the rickety door. Tears stung my puffy eyes and I felt as if all of the walls were caving in. How much more pain could I take? What did I do to deserve this? This has been one of the worst night of my life, and the nightmare wasn't even over.

I wish he could understand that I'm not trying to toy with him, I'm desperately trying to figure things out. I would be lying if I said I didn't feel something for Jordan, but we're two different people on two different paths. He lives on the wild side, which was proved very distinctly last night, and I'm the polar opposite of that.

I'm so confused and distraught. I just want to sleep for a million years and wake up and everything to be normal again. I can go back to being bored out of my mind watching detective movies with Matt, and ignoring Janet's snarky comments, and staring in more cat commercials. I just want it all to be over.

And I know exactly what I have to do.