When Stars Cross

Chapter 35

Chapter 36

As soon as the meet and greet ended, I felt like a thousand pounds was lifted off my shoulders. It actually went surprisingly well. There was more people there than I had ever seen in my life. Screaming and laughing, some even crying. I couldn't wrap my brain around how people who I've never met before, could support me in the way they did. I was like having a huge extended family, which brought me back to the day Jordan and I went to get coffee.

He told me that the fans were everything, and now I finally understand. Before, I wasn't a very popular actor. No one would even notice me, and I was fine with that. It was a stress-free. The only thing I had to deal with was an occasional magazine bash about a pimple on my face or my dirty converse. But this was a whole new world. People recognized me now, and I was no longer considered a "D list" actor. There were people waiting hours outside in the California sun, to spend two minutes talking to me. It was simply unbelievable.

I don't know why I freaked out so badly. I probably looked like a complete idiot in front of Jordan, and I was mortified to say the least. He has witnessed a full on panic attack, and as much as I didn't want to admit, he helped calm me down. He would probably crack a joke about it, and I would send ten minutes in the bathroom crying about it. I didn't want him to see me fragile. I wanted to appear strong, like I had my life together. That I didn't need him to make me feel better.

The harsh reality of the months after the accident, was that I was living a nightmare. I can't sleep anymore without getting violently woken up with night terrors. I was diagnosed with anxiety, forcing me to have to take medicine to feel normal again. Sometimes the pills wouldn't even work, and I would have to hide my attacks from others as well as I could.

Matt hurt me more than just physically. I was expected by my mother to be fine after my wounds had healed, but that just wasn't the case. I could count on one hand the people I felt safe with. Charlie and Joey, my Dad, and oddly enough, Jordan.

He was there for me when I woke up in the hospital, and he said everything that I needed to hear. In that tiny moment I forgot about all of the pain Matt caused me. I was able to breathe again, and feel like maybe everything would be okay after this. But I soon realized that he was never going to change, and I couldn't risk getting my heart broken again. I'd been through enough with him, and it had to stop.

No matter how I felt about the idiot, the bottom like was that...well, he was an idiot.

After we we're released to leave the venue, I immediately darted from the table and straight onto the bus. I knew that this would earn me a twenty minute interrogation with Charlie and Joey, but I didn't care. I needed to get away from Jordan as fast as possible, before I became his personal laughing stock. I stumbled onto the bus so quickly I scared Gilbert, causing him to drop his sandwich.

"Dang it! That one had salami on it!" Gilbert exclaimed. I stifled a laugh and quickly apologized, promising him a sandwich the next stop. He looked very content with my offer and went back to his game of Candy Crush on his phone.

Before I could successfully retreat to the bus bathroom to escape my inevitable doom, I heard a pair of familiar Timberlands stomp into the bus behind me. Jordan had a worried look on his face as he shut the bus door behind him.

"Are you alright? You just ran off, I'm worried about you." He said with such sincerity that I felt my stomach do back flips. He took another heavy step toward me and I immediately felt my cheeks redden. He was so close I could practically feel the body heat radiating off of him.

Damn this tiny bus, damn it!

"Look, I'm fine. I just freaked out a bit. You can make fun of me later, okay?" I said in a snide tone. I didn't want to snap at him, in fact it was the last thing I wanted to do. But when he was this close to me, and saying things that made me feel like I was floating, I needed to protect myself. Being with him was dangerous.

Hurt danced across his face, and for the first time he didn't hide it or try to play it off. The way he looked at me was similar to a stab in the chest.

"Hey, you know I would never-"

The rest of the cast busted through the bus door abruptly, cutting Jordan off, which I couldn't be more thankful for. They were talking about one of the fans we met who had a tattoo of Jordan's face, and I quickly took this opportunity to slip into the restroom.

I plopped down on the toilet and breathed a sigh of relief. I could think again. I didn't have his musky scent clouding my brain anymore. It was only the couple days of tour and I was already in an uncomfortable position with Jordan. He wasn't putting up any of his walls, which made it that much harder to be around him.

Enjoying this moment of peace, I decided to call one of the few people who actually cared about me.

"Hello Miss, it's been a long time since I've received a phone call from you." I immediately smiled at his warm tone over the phone.

"Jer, I think I need you to come and steal me away. I'm starting to think tour life isn't the best thing for me." I joked. He laughed heartily, a feeling of nostalgia washing over me. His laugh was the exact same as it was a few years ago, when I was 11 years old and he was taking me to my first audition. I thought the limo was huge and that Jeremy was part robot because she could drive without looking at the road.

I remember I was so nervous that I began gnawing the pink polish off of my finger nails, thus where the bad habit began. He told me to relax and think of unicorns doing the macarena, which of course made me laugh my head off, and before I knew it we were outside of the audition company.

"Don't worry Miss, it's only been a couple days. Give it some time and I think you might grow to love it. If you need me to play some macarena music for the unicorns, I'd be happy to assist you."

We both cracked up, and for the first time since the hospital fiasco, I felt a flicker of hope in my chest.