Make Believe

Eighteen.

The street was cold and dark. I felt cold and dark too, the wind blowing in my hair and drying my cheeks. I had been crying a bit, and it was no secret to the boys that I was having a bad few weeks. 

My cutting had gotten so bad that I found myself doing it most nights, just to numb the pain. After what had happened, I was too scared to drink or do anything to forget pain other than cut. Finn didn't know. I couldn't bring myself to tell him; I could just picture the look on his face.

Recently, I had a permanent headache. The stress was too much for me, but there was nothing that stressed me out. The only things wrong in my life were Mark's incessant flirting and Finn's lack of interest in me. Our best friend status was still there, don't get me wrong. But there was something different.

We just didn't talk anymore.

I had tried to convince myself that it didn't matter. That I didn't care. But it was odd, I felt my thoughts become dominated with him. My heart just sort of sank when I would get home and be greeted with silence. Only a few weeks ago I would get home to a pair of bright eyes. A white tooth would slide over a bottom lip and a mouth would stretch into a smile.

"Scribble, you're home. What did you do today?" A voice would say.

The voice was now silent. The mouth stayed in a firm straight line and the tooth would hardly ever appear over the lip ring.

Today I had woken up early, as I found myself doing often recently. It was only seven in the morning but I was already outside walking to the corner shop to buy bread. We already had bread at home, but I wanted an excuse to get out of that damn house.

It's funny I should say that now, after what happened.

My feet carried me down the road. I was wrapped up in a big black hoodie and wore black leggings. I couldn't be bothered to look nice anymore. Brown roots were appearing in my blonde hair. My makeup was slightly messy. I looked like I needed six years of sleep.

I'd been getting so skinny recently. Too skinny. I couldn't walk for long without getting tired, so I stopped for a moment and pulled my hood up over my head and sighed deeply. After a second, I could tell that someone was behind me.

"Don't be sad, babe." He said softly. I turned to look at him. He ran his hands through his hair. "I know you, Scribble, and this isn't you."

I walked over and let him hug me. For the first time in a long time, I felt thankful to have another human there with me. My fingers held onto his shirt. "How will I ever know what you've been through?" Finn whispered.

Suddenly becoming self-conscious, I stepped back. "What are you doing here?"

"When I went in your room this morning, you weren't there. Although that was kind of useful in the end, I needed to talk to you." Finn shrugged. "Can I tell you now?"

I nodded.

"Well, perhaps its best if I just show you..." Finn gestured for me to follow him and started walking round the corner. I followed obediently, not having the fight to make a sarcastic comment anymore. 

What I saw made me frown with confusion. "It's just the car?"

Finn laughed. "Get in, you nutter."

I kept eye contact with him and sat in the front passenger seat of the car. After a moment of silence, I groaned. "So your secret is that you're driving me to the shops?"

"Surprise!" Ross jumped out from the back seat. "Hello!"

"Fucking Hell!" I couldn't help but laugh. "Ross! What the fuck?"

I looked in the back. There were bags filling the whole thing up, some bags I recognized as mine. Finn climbed in the car next to me and shut the door. "Are you moving out?" I tried to hide the lump in my throat. 

"Yeah." Finn looked at me. "And so are you."

"What?" I fought a smile. He had actually fucking done it. Had he? He couldn't have...

"We're going on a road trip! You were so desperate to complete your bucket list, so why don't we do it together? Everything's better when you're with people you trust. You always told me that. And that you wanted to travel." My best friend grinned at me.

Ross looked at me expectantly from the back seat. "Well?"

"Well..." I turned to Finn. "Get driving, you bastard!"

He laughed, a genuine laugh that hung contagiously throughout the car. As he started the engine, Finn bit his lip ring. "Let it be known, scribble, that all is forgiven. For ever and ever."