Make Believe

Thirty Six.

Weeks passed. Things were back to normal, we went about our usual business. I found a job in a local grocery store and was working as a cashier most days. Ross was back at school and Finn was being the housewife: cooking, cleaning and driving Ross to school. We were all perfectly content with this uneventful life for the time being, with nothing bothering us.

I had stopped wanting to cut, and my sadness was now restricted to when I had time to think. Finn was really cheering me up. We had been sharing a bed, but nothing had been going on. We had stopped even kissing, simply because we felt a bit awkward after our 'fling' on the road trip.

The only thing bothering Ross was Cara. Her phone would go straight to voicemail, so Finn and I assumed that she had just used us to hitchhike and didn't want to know us anymore so kept denying our calls. Ross was worried, thinking that she was in trouble. We just kept telling him to chill out and that she probably just used us.

He wouldn't accept that. We should have known, really. That he was going to do something about it.

In the days before Ross disappeared, I had been working. Standing behind the counter all day was okay, but I hated having to be nice to everyone. "Good morning." I smiled at the lady in front of me, handing me her shopping. Trying to look happy, I scanned her items and handed them back. "Anything else?"

"No thank you." She said, paying silently and leaving.

"Bye!" I called out to her, half sarcastically. "Bitch."

The clock opposite me told me that I had three minutes until I was free, and that meant that the same, very well known customer would come in as they always did at that time.

"Hello, Scribble." The customer strolled into the shop, scanning the shelf and picking up a beer and some gum. "How's the grind been?"

"Boring. I'm tired." I said, taking his shopping and scanning them for him. "Would you like a bag, sir?"

"Damn, you should call me that more often." Finn purred at me.

I threw his packet of gum at him. "Fuck off. You're not getting a bag. Carry it like a man."

Finn laughed at me and shook his head. "You're the boss, aren't you?"

Holding back a smile, I raised an eyebrow at him. That question didn't need an answer. We both knew I wore the pants in that relationship.

Relationship? You know what I mean. Shut up, I know what you're thinking.

I stepped out from behind the counter and looked to the back of the shop. Should I sign out? Nah, my coworkers knew by now that I just left without a word.

"Come on, idiot." I dragged him by the shoulder out into the street. "We're going home. Did you bring the car?"

"No. I thought we could walk." Finn smiled and took my hand.

"But my feet hurt. I've been standing up all day." I sighed.

"Come on, they can't hurt so much that you can't walk with me, can they?"

Smiling to myself, I started walking in the direction of home. I let him hold my hand. Neither of us said anything: the only communication we had was Finn moving his thumb in circles on the back of my hand. His skin was surprisingly soft compared to mine, and it was a nice contrast.

I thought about what we did in the van on the road trip. I thought about the feelings I had in that moment. I thought about how loved I felt.

His eyes looked down at the ground, and I made a silent decision. I knew what I was going to do once we got home. Ross was at a friend's house for the night, so tonight was the night.

I was going to tell Finn how I felt. Show him, too. We weren't going to end up dating yet, but there was no harm in letting the weight off my shoulders.

Our walking led us into the bottom of our street, and I could see our apartment from where we were. I smiled to myself, thinking of what was to come. I couldn't keep it quiet anymore. It was just plain awkward having to smother my feelings.

"What are you thinking about?" Finn asked.

I shrugged at him. The mystery wouldn't last long, soon he'd know.