I Lost Everything But Found You

Chapter 6- The Truth?

"Magnus?" Jas asks. "Are you gonna tell me or just sit there and stare at me?"

"I-I'm sorry." I look down at my hands. "It's just... It's really hard to talk about..."

"You know I'll always be here for you. No matter what it is. I love you Mags, I always will. Okay?"

"W-well... You see... You know my friends Addie and Nadine?" I ask her.

"Ummmm... Yeah. What about them."

"Well... They sorta started to bully me... Like a lot..."

"What the hell." She says. "Do you have any other friends? Anybody else at school that cares about you?"

"Yeah... They were texting bad things about me to a group chat, I wouldn't have even known if it weren't for Alexander. He was in the group chat so he showed me tge messages. I'd still be friends with them if it weren't for him." I smile a little. Reminding myself to thank him once more for what he did.

"I see..." She pauses for a bit and seems to be thinking. "Tell me about him. What does he look like, what does he like to do? Stuff like that"

"His name is Alexander Lightwood, but everyone calls him Alec, since he hates his name. He's tall, but will he will always be slightly shorter than me and he knows it." She laughs a little at this. "He's strong, but again not as strong as me, he can rarely get me to budge when he tries to tackle me every morning. He's an amazong listener, always makes my problems go away in seconds. His black hair falls a little over his eyes but never too much to cover them. And his eyes, oh his eyes... They're amazing. I can't even begin to describe his eyes. They're every shade of blue you can imagine, all in one little space, and the way they light up while he's talking about something he loves... Especially when he talks about his siblings or archery."

"I know exactly what you're talking about... When you say his eyes light up. It's the look that's in your eyes right now Magnus." She tells me.

"What. No. I don't like Alec that way, I don't like any guys that way. Why would you say that?" It's not true, what she said. I have a crush on a girl in our class, not Alexander.

"Don't deny it Mags, like I said, I'll always love you, that's actually what I thought you wanted to talk about."

"I'm not gay." Is all I say, I turn away from her a little. Leaning my head against the wall. Is it true? Do I like Alexnder as more than a friend? I can't lie, I have thought about it before, but I always came to the same conclusion. I like girls. How could I like Alexander if I like girls?

I turn back to Jas.

"B-but I like Camille, I know I do. So how would I like Alec too? That's not how it works."

She looks right into my eyes. "People can like both, you know that right? It's called bisexual."

I think about this for a minute. Could it be possible? I don't like lying about who I am, but if this is true could I tell people? No. That would only give them another thing to bully me about. But they already call me fag, for no reason at all. So would it really make a difference?

"I-I don't know Jas... I'll admit, I do find Alexander attractive, in the ways maybe a straight man shouldn't... But I've never felt any attraction to any other man... So maybe it's nothing." But that's not entirely true. I know I've felt something towards other boys for a while now. I just never thought about it until now.

"I don't think so Mags. It has to be something."

"Don't tell..." Is all I say, cause I've realised something. She's right. A part of me has always known it, but that part was burried 6 feet down before I even noticed it. Now I've dug it up.