Joes been gone 3 weeks and it's been extremely hard on me. I am trying to move on and find someone to help me. To share my laughter. To hold my hand when I'm down. Someone not to stop me when I fall but to prevent me from falling and if I do fall they will be the one to plaster that hole.
Today's the day of joes funeral. I really don't feel like going. I need to though. It will hurt but stop my pain. I texted Zoe.
J-Hey Zoe.
Z-Hey Joey
J-Are you ready?
Z-Yeah.
J-I can't believe he's gone.
Z-Yeah he was an amazing brother.
J-And boyfriend.
Z-I'll pick you up at 11.
J-See you Zoe.
Z-See you!
J-XxX
Z-XxX
Zoe and Alfie were picking me up from my house and then we were picking up Phil and heading over. Dans funeral is tomorrow so Phil is still as depressed as me. It was 10 now so I got out of bed and walked into my bathroom. I looked into the mirror. Ever since joe died I hate grown a worse self hatred. My dad had made it worse and I hate myself. Do you know what it's like to look in a mirror and not be able to find anything you like? I hate my stomach, my thighs, my thoughts, my eyes, my scars, my hair. I hate my teeth, my voice, my personality. I hate the way everything gets to me. I hate that I care to much. I hate that I'm never smart enough. I hate that I'm not good enough for anyone. I hate that I can't trust anyone. I just want to be everything I'm not. I feel so fucked up, so useless and depressed I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. Whenever you look in the mirror you see a human being that loves and cares but whenever I look in the mirror I see my enemy, a monster, the one that's killing me inside. Is it normal to hate yourself this much? I walked out of the bathroom and put on my suit. I then went into my kitchen, walked through to my living room, sat on my sofa and cried. My eyes hurt from tears and I lay there letting them pour out. Then the door rang. It was 10:39 if it was Zoe and Alfie they were early.I ran over and opened it. To see a mysterious figure. My eyes were blurred through tears but then I saw who it was.
It was...
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Before Janiel...
RomanceThis is a story of what happened to Joey... BEFORE JANIEL. It goes through breakups, suicide, murder attempts and cheating. I hope you enjoy. Includes: Joey graceffa Shane Dawson Tyler Oakley Joe sugg Ryland Adams Zoe sugg Alfie deyes Caspar Lee C...
