These Words Scream

The pit

I sit alone in the dark
The sun is shining, birds chirping, children playing,
But all that surrounds me is darkness
Every time someone says, "Cheer up",
I sink deeper into my pit
The hole my brain has dug for itself
The serotonin refuses to pass through my synapses
This is depression
The unspoken disease
I sink deeper in my pit
People tell you to, "Be happy", "Smile more", "Just get out of the house", "You're holding yourself back."
I smile and say, "I'll try. Thanks," and give a little chuckle
WHAT AN ACT!
I suffer alone
I do not want their useless words
They do not understand
HOW COULD THEY?
I sink deeper into my pit
My eyes close and I picture respite
But in this dream, there are pills, ropes, knives, chemicals, and ledges
No, that won't do but it sounds so nice
I sink deeper into my pit
The light is gone I sleep all day
The dream world is where I'm happy
Away from people
AWAY FROM LIFE
I sink deeper into my pit
Colors are nonexistent
Black and white are my world--minus the white
Snowballing through gritty streets
Turning the pristine ball of hope into a filthy mound of broken dreams
I sink deeper into my pit
Depression stays by my side
MY ONLY FRIEND
But this friend well
He is the one who talks behind your back
The one who makes fun of you to get ahead
This is the guy who pushes you to the ground and then laughs
This is the one who you cling onto because you have no one else
I sink deeper into my pit
I finally muster up courage
I SCREAM FOR HELP
But by now no one can hear me
NO ONE WANTS TO HERE ME
I have pushed them all away
Why am I still here?
Because I don't want to die
But I do
I AM SO CONFUSED
Death greats me when I knock on his door
I meant to play ding dong ditch
But no Death has seen me
He says, "My turn," and gives me a knife
The knife is white like an angel
So full of innocence. Made for chopping carrots for stew
I am to taint this knife with my blood
The blood of depression
I sink deeper into my pit
Death winks and says, "Let's pick up the pace. I don't have all day."
I reply, "You're right, and neither do I"
So I hand him the knife
I say, "I'll see you another day,"
I wonder why I turned down that sweet, sweet offer
I see my mom she is finally breathing
No air has passed through her lungs while I was gone
SOMEONE CARES
I see a rope crawling down my pit
I grab hold and shout, "I'm ready"
I ascend the walls of my pit slowly
IT TAKES YEARS
I meet a therapist and friends who care
I talk to my past and say, "Go away,"
I am still climbing
THIS IS A JOURNEY
I get so tired, sometimes slipping back
But I hold on tight
I don't let go
I DON'T GIVE UP