These Words Scream

Unpredictable life

I sit here now in darkness, living on my own
A life existence, white walls, my home
With rooms that sometimes resonated with laughter
Saw also tears of much sadness, pain, suffering, and anger

For death enters the lives of those now dearly lost
But also estrangement, which pursues me in silence, endlessly
Creating prison cells of emptiness, of loneliness and memories
Casting shadows within those silent, empty rooms

The tears I shed quietly, along roads of darkness
Following footsteps of abandonment, this eternal loneliness
And utter sadness I feel, for those who have gone
The memories that will forever so quietly linger on

For the pain of the past and fleeting glimpses
Which sometimes drown within the tortuous soul
Appearing vividly, when I allow them to be more than just images
Burn with searing heat, painfully, and once more take control

No words could ever express or even begin
To describe the desolation of loss and if grief
And the photographs of sometimes happier days
I dare not see and are hidden from even me

Some days are just to hard and weary to travel
And night seemingly drown in voids of blackness
Depicted within my mind, endless, and too barren
For I loved too much and now am so saddened

Life has not been that which I grew to believe
Providing me worth a future of smiles and love
The sadness which I now find to be close to me
Is sometimes my solace, my friend and all I can see

My road through life has been tough and lonely
Though I have tried so hard to find joy and peace
Yet the faster I ran to catch the winds within my grasp
They only blew harder, renaming just out of my reach

I see families with smiles, holding hands with care
Reminding me yet again of my own saddened emptiness
Another day awakens, though my spirit remains quiet
And night once more is filled with shadows of blackness

I faithfully believe that with my truest given love
And commitment I gave to all of those in need
Would allow my life to be complete with joy and hugs
And tears would never fall through the love I never received

My road, now, has almost now come to a close
And the weariness I feel will soon come to a close
And the weariness I feel will soon come to an end
I'm so very tied of the winds escaping my grasp
Running so hard to catch that which was not to be

I have suffered the result of giving far too much
For when you love deeply, you fall to hard
Eternal nights will one day blend with summers of gold
Infinite tears will never again fall, and hearts won't be cold

Vivid memories of the past of things that never were
And realization of all that should and may have been
The struggles which always because more oceans to swim
Never reaching the end, for now silence is my solitary friend