Dirty Little Secret [5SOS]

20: Overthinking,

We made it to the airport quickly and by then I was not crying, but more in shock. I've known him for two long years. How could I do that to him? I could have maybe stayed with him longer. What if I was falling in love with him and I didn't know it? Did the events of the night before change something? If I didn't come to LA, would things be different now? There are too many possibilities that led back to Christian. Ashton had, by now, paid for tickets straight home instead of back to San Francisco. Michael decided to cut the trip short and just take everyone home early. I feel bad if I had ruined the boys' holiday. Ashton and I went through security silently and were now sitting at the gate. None of us have said a word, but there really is no need to. Plus, I have a feeling that if we are going to say anything, we'd be fighting.

"I'm going to get some coffee. I'll be back in a few minutes," I told him quietly and walked off without a protest.

"Wait!" There is was.

"What? It's just coffee." He was already standing and coming towards me. Suddenly, he placed a small kiss on my cheek and gave me a hug.

"I'm sorry," was all he said and then there was a crowd of girls heading our way so I walked off quickly to get my coffee.

Ashton's PoV:

I watched her walk off and all I could think about was the song I've been writing for her. Everyone said that it must be for the fans, but really, it was always for her. For the one. A crowd of laughing girls with their phones up blocked my view. I focused back on them, trying to be as nice as possible.

"Why are you in Seattle with her?"

"Who's she?"

"Is she your girlfriend?"

"Can I get a picture, please?"

"Why are you here?"

All the questions came at me all at once so I took a picture with each of the girls even though I probably looked like crap from the rough night.

"Um, no she's not my girlfriend."

"She's Michael's cousin."

"We took a little holiday and the boys went home early because they got sick."

I answered each question and then they eventually shuffled off to let me get back to my seat. The fans were so nice, but I couldn't help but worry about Pay. She wasn't even crying anymore. It's one of the steps to recovery after loss: denial. She doesn't want to admit that it was his fault. She is trying to figure out how to get back together even though she shouldn't. Just when I could get her to be mine, I'm not going to let her slip back into that idiot's arms again. Payson came back with her coffee and sat beside me very stiffly once again, sipping her coffee until the flight was called for boarding. We then got on the plane and she laid on my shoulder the entire time. She wasn't asleep, but it almost felt like it.

---

"I'm going to kill you if it’s the last thing I do," Michael warned me as we entered the house. Payson went straight up to her room and shut the door without explaining anything. Thanks for laying this all on me, Pay. I explained to Michael and the other boys what happened, leaving certain parts out.

“Is she alright,” Michael asked immediately after I told him the story.

“I don’t think so,” I said and he immediately ran up to her room. I, on the other hand, felt like taking a shower after all the drama to just clear my head. No matter how many things are going wrong, one thing is for sure: Payson Clifford will be mine.