[Chapter Sixteen] Unwelcome Emotions

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Chapter Sixteen – Unwelcome Emotions
Bailey's Pov

I ran into Julian when I left since he was coming back to my room.

"You okay?" He asked me and I shook my head.

"No." He followed behind me on the way to group.

"Bailey." He stopped me and I ripped my arm from his grip and kept walking. The pain was gone and it was time to start the fucking road to recovery. Who the hell did they think they were forcing us to do this shit, I didn't chose to come here.

I was forced here, forced to detox the hard way, forced to have a roommate, forced to do group therapy and forced to do individual therapy too.

I was tired of being forced, this was my life and I hated that I had no control over it and I was pissed off about that. I was pissed off at them for forcing me and pissed off at Lacey and Julian for 'pretending like they knew me or even cared.

"Bailey stop." He said before I barged into the room

"What?" I asked irritated

"Please just take a breath before you go in there." I ran his hand down my arm and I moved away.

"Don't act like you fucking care." I snapped and he nodded

"I understand, but I do care." he told me and I wanted to fucking strangle him

"You don't fucking understand." I yelled and he sighed.

"I want to take you somewhere after group." He told me

"No." I immediately said

"Bailey, I'm trying to give you time, but I'm doing for you what I wish someone would have done for Me." he grabbed my hand and led me into the room

"Bailey." Robert said and I frowned to which he nodded, that was really getting on my fucking nerves. I was tired of everyone understanding.

"So this is Bailey." Robert said, they said hi, I sat there with my arms crossed

"Be nice." Julian whispered and I shrugged

"So Bailey, want to tell us a little about yourself, if not then you don't have to." Robert started off, oh dear kill me now.

"I'm Bailey, I'm nineteen and I don't want to be here."

"No one wants to come here at first." One guy said

"Why are you in here, I don't mean drug or whatever, I mean why are you in rehab." I asked a guy sho couldn't be more than a couple years older than me.

"I decided I wanted to be a better person for my daughter." He told me and I nodded

"So you chose it?" he nodded this time. We were in a room full of people but this conversation was all I was focused on, the room could be on fire for all I knew.

"Yes. I wanted to be someone my daughter could be proud of and am determined to be clean by the time she's born. She may not remember being a baby one day, but I don't want my mistakes to taint her in any way."

"Well you decided that you had a problem and wanted a change, I was forced to come here."

"So was I." Another guy said about my age too. I wonder if these groups were for general ages maybe, there were about eight people in my group.

"And?" I asked

"I was pissed off. I hated my family and my friends and the judge who sentenced me. I thought I didn't have a problem and I didn't think I belonged here."

"Exactly." I said, I don't want to be told to play nice I wanted to get out of here.

"You'll get used to it, you're new and there's nothing wrong with that." The guy said again and I nearly screamed in irritation

"Why does everyone keep telling me that? You all can do me a favor and keep your understanding and sympathy to yourself."

"You'll get less bitter too." A girl said and I glared

"Don't tell me how I'm going to be or how I'm going to feel. You don't fucking know me." Julian grabbed my hand and squeezed it tight when I tried to pull it away.

"Bailey, we try to watch out language." Robert said in that way that all therapist did.

"I don't give a fuck. If I wasn't forced to be here then we would have a problem."

"She's pissed off, let her be pissed. There are some strict lines you don't cross and her choice of language hardly matters." Someone else said. I didn't know their names or stories and I really didn't care.

I didn't care about anything or anyone including myself, I just wanted to get the fuck out of here and stop with all the open honest talking. It was all just bullshit, why do these people care when they have their own problems to worry about.

They need to get past it too and prepare for the outside world and reconnect with people, I shouldn't even be a spot on their radar.

What happened to them didn't matter to me, I was here so that I stopped doing drugs, what happened to someone else and what they went through didn't affect that.

"Why do you hate rehab so much?" Robert asked me and I scoffed

"Because everyone in here is fucking fake." He held his hand up giving me the impression someone was going to say something.

"Why do you say that?" he asked me

"Because no one In here really gives a damn about anyone else. We're in a bubble in here and all anyone is looking for it to bitch and complain and burden strangers with their problems, and those strangers let them so they can do the same, and then it's out. People don't really care as long as they get something out of it."

"Do you really believe that?" Robert asked me

"Yes. Sure in here there is minimal communication with the outside world unless it's authorized. We have no internet no one else to talk to and no way of getting drugs in here so it's easy when we have the comfort of people's lies to help us through the day, but what's after this?" I asked

"That's the question none of us have an answer to yet." A girl said softly.

"How many of you have friends in here?" I asked "Raise your hand." I said and everyone did, even Julian.

"I have you now Bailey whether you like it or not." He said and I rolled my eyes. Sure he wanted to be friends now, but as soon as he really had to deal with me, see how horrible of a person I was and how I hated pretty much everyone he would give up.

"Yeah, right. Well anyway, how many of you actually believe you'll keep in contact after you get out of here? Out there you'll be on your own or with a half ass support system and then the temptation will be there for the first time and you'll have to fight it alone. No one's going to help you from in here because either they can't because they're still here or they're out there going through the same thing."

"You don't think people would reach out and bond over their struggles?" Robert asked me

"No, because when it comes down to it we're all selfish and only care about ourselves." I stupidly wiped a tear away from my face "Not even your own family will help you through it." I said and even though they tried to get me to talk more I didn't say a single word through the rest of group.

I hated how this place made me feel, I hated that I wanted to cry and I hated that I was thinking about Drew. Drew wasn't thinking about me, he was off somewhere playing soccer and having the time of his life. I was dead to him and he hated me.

The person who was supposed to be my best friend and other half didn't even love me so how the hell could I expect anyone else to?

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