It All Started In Rehab ✓

[Chapter Fifty-Five] A New View

Chapter Fifty-Five – A New View
Bailey’s Pov

I was anxious waiting for Julian to come and there was a part of me thinking that he wasn’t going to show up since he didn’t even call last night, I was waiting for him to tell me how his audition went and I got nothing from him all day.

I know I was probably over reacting but there was a part thinking that maybe he didn’t want to see me; that he was out and I was just a burden for him or he found someone else or, just everything bad. My insecurities were running wild right now and I was anxious but not all from him.

I was anxious because I was holding my journal and his and we were going to actually talk about Lacey, I was going to read about that day and he was going to see how it was for me, I was freaking out about it and it just made everything worse, life was sucking right now honestly.

I had been obsessing about this all week and I wasn’t sure if I was ready to work it out, it was better suppressing it and not really talking about it and just trying to block it out.

“Hey pretty girl.” He showed up and I turned my head towards the door when I heard him

“Hey.” I tried to smile but as I held those notebooks I just couldn’t.

“Are you mad at me?” he asked and I shook my head

“Why would I be mad?” I asked confused

“Because I didn’t call yesterday, I was out with Kylie all day doing her wedding stuff and it was late when I got back, too late to call and I just forgot throughout the day, and I’m sorry for that, it’s not like you’re easy to forget or anything but.”

“Julian I’m not mad, I was just worried.” I said, I wasn’t mad and I understood, sure I was thinking the worst but what he told me makes more sense. It’s not like I’m his keeper or warden, I’m just his girlfriend and things happen.

“What were you worried about?” he asked as he sat down next to me and I leaned into him as he wrapped an arm around me

“That you weren’t going to come today either.” I admitted

“Oh baby, I’m not going to change my mind on us. How have you been?” he asked

“I read up to the night before Lacey.” I told him and he kissed my forehead.

“I think you should read it.” he told me “I think it would be good to really talk about her.” I felt tears well up in my eyes

“What if I forget her, what if I forget what she looks like or her smile, what if I forget who she was?” I asked him and he took a deep breath to think

“You won’t, I know you’re worried you will but she’s always part of you.” he tried to assure me “I’ve lost people and it becomes less painful with time and trust me, the more you talk about it the easier it gets. You showed me that when you let me talk about Sara and Mia, I used to not even be able to say her name and now I’ve told you her whole story.”

“I miss her.” I sighed

“Me too.” He slowly took my journal from me and I let him and then he opened his up in my hands for me to read, I know it needed to be done but what if it just made things worse.

“Are you sure?” I asked him “I had the cocaine since her funeral, I wrote about it a lot and I hated everyone, including you.” I said, maybe I was afraid mostly of what he would think of me when he finally read it.

It was a weak point I’m not proud of and I proved that as soon as something bad happened I couldn’t deal with it, I went for drugs first thing and didn’t even try to open up to anyone, it wasn’t a good thing and what would happen when I went through all this crap with him?