Why Me?

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//"So, what's your decision James?"//

James P.O.V

I was asked one of the hardest decisions I had to make in my life, and I still don't know what to do or say.

What is the right thing to do?

This is starting to eat me alive, and I wish I could run from here screaming so I wouldn't have to face this.

Seeing all their faces and eyes on me, I sighed wanting to just rest and not deal with this right now.

I'm tired, and I only want time to think all of this through.

"Guys, I'm really tired. It's been a long day." I was quick to say that,  and escape from this difficult decision making.

Even though I know I will have to make a choice either way, and I'm dreading that.

"James, go gets some sleep. You've obviously had a long day. We'll talk about this in the morning." my manager ordered, because he probably noticed that I don't want to talk about this right now.

I got up straight away, like lightening from the couch that I was wanting to get off of and not spend another second on because of the three lads.

The one thing that was on my mind was to get out there, so I began heading to go towards the stairs up to my room where my comfy bed was at that I really needed at the moment.

"Goodnight." the three of them sat, said in unison which made me realize I didn't say anything to them, but I didn't care at the moment.

I turned my head around to face them for a small second.

"Night." I was monotone, but I still gave them a small smile, trying my best.

Which is when I finally moving forward to get to my room where I sleep, so I can be by myself for now.

Stepping up the stairs, and being up already, I found myself being at the location of Connor's room door and not my own.

Staring at it, thinking between knocking on the door to see if he's okay, or just leave him alone right now and give him some space.

Without even thinking this time, I balled my hand to a fist, ready to knock on the door but I stopped myself.

I thought about it for a moment, and I decided to talk to him in the morning, when he's feeling a little bit better, plus I'm tired as well and want this day to be over already.

Really heading to the direction of my room where I am longing to rest my eyes and thoughts, I am now at my door opening it up, making my way into the room and closing the door shut.

Being near my bed, I strip down what I had on for the whole entire day,  and put on my comfortable pajamas.

When I was done with that, I was in the washroom now, looking in the mirror, putting my hands up to my face, thinking of all the things that happened today, but then I brushed my teeth and put cold water on my face.

I was ready to go to sleep, where I could go away from this day, but face it tomarrow again, and I'm not looking forward to that at all.

Trudging to get to my bed, I pull the covers and get in there, finally content that I'm in here already and I'm about to go to sleep.

I lay my head down on my cold pillow, how I like it and close my eyes into a deep dark sleep.

Another day tomarrow, another day where I have to make a choice, and another day of me thinking I have to leave Con.

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