Darling Won't You Stay?~ Jonnor Mcball Fanfic

Loud And Clear

Connor's P.O.V 

I was lying about everything. 

Why couldn't he see that I don't want him to go?

Because you didn't tell him your feelings!  You were just being the little coward you are! 

Since you were being a little coward, you are loosing the boy you love! 

Nice going idiot! 

I let my thoughts roam around in my head, controlling me in every way. 

On my bed, frozen, because the person  that made me the happiest, left me here in this room, alone. And he will leave me again probably, to be alone. 

You are going to be alone. 

Letting go of the tears that were pushing to make their way down the whole time James, I curl my hands into fists to cover my wet teary-filled pupils and sob straight into them.

"I-I don't-t want-t you-u to-o go-o!Ple-ease sta-ay-y! I-I love-e you-u!" I was being a crybaby mess, shouting loud but I didn't care because I knew the others weren't hearing me.

Loosing control of myself, I wasn't having control over my breathing or exhaling, so I ended up breathing to deeply, that my throat started to hurt from all the air it was taking in.

I began to choke and cough, but then it slowed down, still I was left with nothing but tears blocking my vision, and little bit of breaths now.

Why doesn't he see I love him!?

I feel numb, senseless even, because all I'm doing is looking at a blank space and feeling pain that I don't know how to describe.

"Darling-g won't you-u stay-y?" I whisper with those final salted drops leaving off my face, and allow negative words run over me.

You are crying over a guy that won't see you love him, but also that won't love you.

"Ple-ease?" I sounded like an inaudible human because you could only a squeal from me with a shaky tone, and that was all.

I stayed like that in that way for a while pretending that I was comforted in someone's arms, but if only they were his arms.

Pulling myself together, I breathe in one last time, drying my face up, it was one more time that I had to act like I was okay, and the usual happy, bubbly self I always am.

But it's just too hard right now.

Do it.

I knew I had to do this for me, my two bestfriends, and especially the guy I love with all my heart because I didn't want them to worry about me again, since all three of them know why I was sad in the first place now, I don't want that again.

I want them to know that I'm okay.

Even though your not.

I cleaned my throat because I didn't want the three of them to think I was crying again, by hearing my trembling voice, so that is when I had to put a mask on of "happiness and giggles."

Although it hurted behind the mask, covering my real emotions.

Keeping that usual chirpy expression, I rose up from my only safety net that I have, and that was my bed.

Atleast it won't leave me.

James will leave you.