Conflicting Attractions // h.s

32\\Guilt and Regret

Harry

I met with Ellie not long after I left the house, leaving Phoebe to hang with my mum for the next couple of hours. It depended on how long Ellie wants to ramble on about her new job or whatever she wanted me for. She had brought me a drink of water as we sat on a park bench, talking about her recent trip to New York. "Yeah, it was nice to be there at that time of year. Really beautiful, especially Central Park."

I felt a little uncomfortable when she pulled out her phone and quickly tapped in a few letters before putting it back in her pocket. I found it a little bit weird how she did that, almost like she quickly text someone about our location, but I brushed it off, thinking too much into it. "It was nice to see you in New York when you were there though, that meal at Ocean Side was delicious, I'll have to go back."

"I know," Ellie replied as she smiled at me. "I wish you could stay here and we could hang out like old times. I miss our little sleepovers and the stuff that used to come with that. Remember that night when we made out and no one knew about it?"

I cleared my throat, remembering that night perfectly. She was a little bit desperate to kiss me so I gave in, only because she continued to ask about how soft my lips would feel on hers. I was both naïve and stupid at the time. "Yeah, I remember. We took each other's first kisses before you got with Marley."

"Harry, I think it's about time you knew about something," I took a breath, bracing myself for what she wanted to tell me. I knew it could be about Phoebe and in all honesty, I didn't want her to trash talk her and make me regret coming here. By now, she was looking at her fingers like they were the most interesting thing in the world. "I only got with Marley because I thought you might get jealous. I had feelings for you when we made out and it only made my feelings grow and I still have those feelings years later. I can't imagine you not in my life, even if we're not together."

"Ellie–" I gulped quietly, not wanting her to continue, but she silenced me so she could.

"No, I need to say this," she cut me off, "Harry, I think I'm in love with you. I haven't felt these feelings before but it's the little flutter in my heart whenever your name is mentioned, even if it's not meant to be you. I can't stop thinking about you and being with you at Ocean Side just made me remember what I was missing out on when I was dating Marley. I love you, Harry and I don't think it's ever going to stop."

That shut me up instantly. I always knew she had a thing for me because of the way she acted around Phoebe and she used to act like that around Gabriella too. But that's another story for another day. The birds continued to tweet in the tree above us while I was processing what she just admitted. How do I let her down gently?

I took another breath which seems I have run low on, I looked at her and grabbed her hand, making her look at me. "Ellie," I started, as she giggled gently. "I know I haven't voiced my feelings or anything lately. I've been keeping to myself which only made the situation worse. I just want to say I love you too but not in the way you want. I see you as my long lost sister, the sister from another mother. I do love you but in a family kind of way."

Ellie looked at me, emotionless now, no smile, giggle or anything coming from her. "Harry, is this because of Phoebe? That stupid goody two shoe bitch who thinks that everyone should be dropping their pants to please her? Is that who you want? You've known her five minutes, Harry. We've got more history than you and that stupid blonde. Is she as stupid as the stereotypes make her out to be?"

I gasped in shock, hearing those words come out of her mouth made me become angry. How dare she start to bad-mouth Phoebe like that. Who the heck does she think she is? "Excuse me but who continues to think it's okay for her own mother to ask the question you couldn't ask yourself at dinner the other night? I don't give two fücks about what you think of Phoebe. It's my life and if I think she's the one for me, I'm going to pursue it."