Fix You (Punk Luke Hemmings FanFiction)

Chapter 45

 Luke's Point Of View

 It's been about a week since Emilee died, and every day the pain feels worse.

 I cried for the first time in years when I got the word from the hospital and I don't think I'll ever be okay again.

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 The funeral is today, but I don't think I'm brave enough to show up.

 I know Emilee would've wanted me to go.

 But there was a lot of things I couldn't do for her.

 I sighed and walked into the kitchen of our empty apartment.

 I stare blankly at the table and remember the times we would sit and eat together like nothing bad in the world could ever tear us apart.

 Now the once bright and happy place was dark and empty in a way that made you want to forget everything and just... leave.

 But I couldn't bring myself to even think about leaving.

 I suddenly fall onto my knees in quiet sobs.

 "Why did it have to be her?" I scream into nothingness.

 I'm not surprised when I don't get an answer.

 I stare back at the dreary place where we used to be happy and something inside me pops.

 My sadness turned into anger and I stood up and reached for the cubboard above my head.

 I grabbed handfuls of whatever I could find and smashed then onto the ground.

 "Why?" I screamed as sobs rang out of my mouth and angry tears ran down my face.

 "She didn't deserve any of this!"

 I stop in my raid to look at my now cut and bloody hands.

I don't know how long I stand there, but when I finally come to my senses, I hastily clean the mess up and bandage my hands.

 That's what Emilee would've wanted me to do.

 I check the small clock on the oven and it reads 2: 15.

 There's 15 minutes until the funeral.

 I don't feel like changing out of my black skinny jeans and black shirt, but who cares anyways?

 I grab a jacket and head out the door.

 Your not ready for this.

I keep telling myself, but my angry footsteps push on until they reach a small church.

 My figure stops at the steps.

 I take a deep breath and bring my self to walk up the stairs.

 Cmon Luke, one foot in front of the other.

 I tell myself and finally reach the door.

 It opens to reveal row after row of alters all scattered and leading down to a podium.

 A podium with a casket on it.

 My breaths are fast as I make my way to the back of the rows.

 Worried eyes fall and linger on me, but I ignore them and focus on the man talking about the only girl I've ever loved.

 "Many say she was a bright young woman who didn't plan out anything in her short life.."

 I couldn't process any words he was saying, all I could hear was the faint sound of my racing heart.

 I cant do this.

I stand back up and stumble out the doors.

 The cold November air nips at my cheeks and makes me shiver against the cold.

 I plant myself down on a step until people start to swarm out of the building.

 Many give me looks of pity, but as Haley walks by, she softly whispers, "Be strong Luke, we all miss her."

 My eyes follow her and Niall as they walk away.

 Once everyone seemed to be gone, I walk back inside to only the casket.

 I stop at the beginning of the isle.

 She's gone.

 I tell myself for the thousandth time, but this time it finally sinks in all the way.

 I walk over to her.

 Her cheeks are flushed, but her skin is unusually pale.

 She wears a purple dress the goes to her mid thigh and her usually wavy blonde hair is straight and thin.

 Well of course, she's dead.

 I say to myself again.

 But even if she was dead, I still had something's I hadn't said to her.

 "Uhm... hey Em.." My voice sounded weird against the silence of the room. "I... I'm missing you so bad right now. " I sob and grab her cold hand. " I- I just wanted to tell you something... I love you. I love you so much that it hurts to think about you not being here with me. And I know I'm selfish for wanting you, but the truth is.. I needed you. I needed you more than an ocean needs water. But, I know your in a better place right now. Your with your mom and dad. I know they missed you. So know its my turn to miss you." I sigh and pull a ring box out of my pocket. "I wanted you to marry me Em. The we never had to be apart. I was going to ask you the day you... left me... but I guess there's gonna be a time in the future where we meet again. And ill ask you to marry me. I wont know if youll say yes or no, but as long as I can see you again, I would wait a thousand years. I'm sure you have other things to do than listen to me go on about how much you mean to me.. so ill let you go. I just want you to remember something. Your not really gone. Your living in the hearts of everybody you knew. They're never going to forget who you were. Theyre never going to forget the peppy brunette who never gave life two chances. And ill never forget the love of my life."

 I place the ring box inside her hands and walk out the doors.

  I wipe away some stray tears and stick my hands in my pocket.

 And as I walk down the sidewalk a single ray of sunshine uncovers from the clouds.

 Right on me.

 I smile, because I know its Em up there.

 She knows I love her.

 I smile for the first time in what felt like ages.

 I love you Luke, I love you.