whipped

twenty three

dear lalisa,

all i managed to write the past twenty minutes was the dear lalisa part. ive been staring at the paper until now, and i figured that if i wrote that that happened then that would show you how anxious i am right now and how unexplainable my feelings are towards you.

i dont even know where to start.

i saw you at the bus watching a dance video that you made. i guess thats one of the things that got me attracted, the way you moved to the music and how you looked so insanely talented in dancing. then you turned to look at me, and i didnt know it back then, but thats the moment that made my life better.

we only saw each other twice before i debuted. i never looked at it as actual meeting tbh, since i never really got a good look at you. but then, by some unknown force in this damn universe, i asked for your number and thats when it started.

tell me, did you really not notice my feelings? even when all i did was follow everything you say, praise everything you do, prioritize you over anything and constantly find ways to talk to you? even though i show affection in a joking manner sometimes, im pretty sure i was obvious. so what was going on with your mind during those moments?

if only you knew how crazy i was at the dorm whenever you do something.... actually whenever you do anything. anything at all. oh my god. thinking about it now those are the most embarrassing moments of my life. yoongi hyung even taped my mouth shut once. what was i even doing oh my god

but back to the point, i wanna say thank you. thank you for giving your number to that small boy who couldnt even look you in the eye. thank you for not changing your number after all those time and for replying to that simple hi:) text that i was typing and erasing for twenty five minutes. thank you for showing me that you care. for being patient especially when we have schedules packed as hell. thank you for not getting tired of me. thank you for always knowing the right words to say when im having a hard time. thank you for being you. for being the best person a guy could ever have in his life.

so if its not getting pass that thick skull of yours, im basically in love with you.

purely, genuinely, unconditionally in love with you, lalisa manoban.

now dont laugh.

i didnt want to accept it back then because it was one sided. for some moments i felt like it was mutual, but then after a few seconds you take it back and move me back to the friendzone.

i hate that zone -_-

but when i started to tear up every time i think about you leaving me, or us drifting away, it kinda started to make sense.

im not forcing you to say anything back instantly. i just wanted to let you know already. dont pressure yourself.

i cant say things will be the same between us after this. reject me, itll be hard and i dont think ill get over it. accept me, itll be so much more.

but i promise, if ever youll give me the chance, im gonna treat you like the frickin queen that you are.

i love you, lalisa.