They Told You To Stay Away (Jalex)

A reason to stare

Chapter Four
Title from Sick Little Games by All Time Low.

"You're so good" Danny bragged as I pulled up my pants. I had gotten a lot more used to the sex in the last two weeks. Out of the last two weeks we only skipped about two days. When it came to sex, Danny usually was there when I got off of work or when I didn't have work he would come home with me. He always was the one to initiate sex, but I felt like that was the way he wanted it.

Danny eyed my stomach as I stood up to pull my shirt on, and I felt self conscious all over again. I really want to be enough for him, and It made me really upset that I wasn't his ideal partner. Maybe I should lay off of the ramen and junkfood, I would be fine with salad instead.

That's what i'll do, maybe that'll make it better.

"Hey" Danny said, getting my attention. He sat up and looked at me seriously, and that made my stomach erupt with all kinds of nervousness. "Today one of the guys asked if I was hanging out with you, he saw me get out of your car" he brought up. I raised my eyebrows and sat beside him on the bed. "I said that I was just getting help with homework" he said and then stopped "I've really liked having you around, but that was a little too risky for me" he said, sadly.

I instantly felt tears burn my eyes. I was starting to love him. No, I did love him. Things have been moving so fast with us, I fell in love with him fast too. He's going to leave me because its too risky? Am I really not enough for him to take risks?

I felt him get off of the bed, and I could see him out of the corner of my blurry vision start to get dressed.

"I'm really sorry" he said, sounding disappointed. I couldn't stop myself from crying harder, and I couldn't keep it quiet. My chest ached.

I shouldn't have ever gotten involved.

Danny left without another word or glance, and minutes later I could hear his car leave the driveway of my home. I let myself fall back on the bed he was just on and I cried. I cried too much, I cried hard.

I'm not enough for him, or for anyone. I did everything he wanted me to do, I gave him my first kiss and my virginity. Now he's gone.

I buried my face into my pillow and cried, I cried about him and about school and my family and just about everything. I wasn't skinny enough for him, I wasn't enough in general.

He showed me just enough of love, and then left. I've never been loved by anyone outside of family before and it felt so new, and so perfect and nice and now its gone.

I feel more alone than ever before.

***

School is even worse now, looking at couples happy and in love is harder. Looking through my eyes that were swollen from crying so much, I was exhausted. I've seen Danny in the hallways twice today, one of those times included him picking on another guy.

Somehow the school also found out that i'm gay. Of course I didn't really care that they knew, because it is who I am and I'm actually not afraid of that.

I'm sure Danny was part of that. I've gotten nothing but strange looks and a few comments.

"Hey! Jack, right?" I was surprised to see a friendly face catch up to me, looking at me enthusiastically. I nodded and he smiled.

"I'm Kellin, like the gay communicator of the school" he laughed, holding a hand out to me. Yeah, he looked to fit the part. Gay communicator? There's no way we have enough gays for that.

I shook his hand and gave him a smile. "Nice to meet you, gay communicator"

"So, did you open the closet door yourself, or did someone yank it open?" he said, amused as we had to push passed a group of students in the hall.

"Don't really know, I guess. I didn't really mind when people found out, but I wasn't the one to tell" I explained. Kellin nodded.

"Well, I can introduce you to a lot of guys like you. We gotta stick together" he said enthusiastically talking about his underground railroad of gays at Dulany High.

"There are a lot of gay people here?" I asked, humor in my voice.

"Quite a few. Most are closeted gays, and even a few closeted trans folk" he actually sounded impressed, which made me laugh.

"Well alright, happy to join the wagon" I said as I stopped at the door to my second period class.

"Find me at lunch" he said as he kept walking, smiling back at me.

***

I still felt terrible, and there was no way I could get Danny off my mind. His laugh and smile, and his charm. I missed it so much. I really love him. Now I feel like i'm not enough, I never really was enough for him. He deserved better anyways.

"Glad you could make it" Kellin said as he sat in his group, of what I guessed was gay people. "Guys, this is Jack. I just found out about him this morning" he was like a mom introducing his children to a new puppy. The guys and two girls looked up at me and greeted me, but none were as enthusastic as Kellin. There was only about six of them.

Kellin motioned for me to sit and I did.

"So, this is Jake, Tyler, Josh, Jaime, Tay, and Jenna. These are the ones that are out of the closet" He explained, happily.

I sat there while he went on and on about several different topics, he was talking to all of us but not everyone listened. "Are you okay, Jack?" Tay asked when Kellin took a milisecond of a break from talking.

I nodded lightly, but I could tell that they knew I had been crying, and thats because my eyes were so puffy from crying all night.

"Oh, you have been crying" Kellin said as if he just noticed. "Whats wrong?" he asked.

I couldn't tell him, I still love Danny and I don't want to ruin things for him.

"Heartbreak?" he said after a second of me not replying. I shrugged and he immediately made a pouting face.

"I have just the guy for you"