They Told You To Stay Away (Jalex)

I never meant to hurt no one

Chapter Twenty Six
Title from Dancing With A Wolf by All Time Low.

"Jack, I will stop talking about her if you tell me what really started this. It's a really severe issue and I don't think it's as simple as feeling self conscious" Dr.Grace said, locking her fingers together on her desk.

I squinted my eyes at her.
After a whole year of being in here, she still doesn't know what to do.
Maybe if she wasn't so focused on my great aunt she would've made some actual progress.

I appreciate that she's taken a step off of that subject, it helps, though things have gotten worse than ever.
It's been a whole week since I've even muttered a word to Alex. He eventually stopped trying to talk too.

Why did that make me feel bad? I can't have him, I can't let myself get close to him. It should be good that he isn't talking to me anymore.

I can't help but let it tear me up, it's my fault. My problems, I was the one he saw when he turned around in his bed to inspect the crying. It's my fault I'm like this and my fault that I can't get close to him.

I'm afraid of getting hurt.

I've never had a good outcome from getting close to anyone.

It's also my fault that Alex cut himself, with what I assume was a plastic fork. I heard Dr.Mullins report it to a nurse so his relapses could be written on a file.
I should've stopped him, I should've checked for the fork.

It's all my fault. I'm hurting him.
That's another reason I can't get close, if I'm not the one being hurt, I'm bound to be the one hurting someone else.

I almost died, that would've hurt my whole family.
I won't get out of here ever, that's what would hurt Alex.

"I never actually thought I was fat until I fell in love with someone who thought I was" I answered, looking at the ground.

Dr.Graces eyes widened and she looked like she might cry. This is the most I've ever given her, and the only reason I'm giving her this pleasure is so she'll stop talking about her.

"How did it make you feel?" She asked, remaining professional as she stated her very overused therapist line.

"Fat" I said bluntly, fumbling with my fingers. I looked at the clock and realized that she's kept me in an entire two minutes over. How dare she?
"Times up" I said, getting out of my chair. She gave me a pleasant smile, even though I left in the middle of our conversation.

She thinks that she'll get more from me?

I walked back to my room alone, for the first time ever. The nurses must be busy. I never understood why we had to be walked back to our room anyways, maybe to make sure we didn't break into a doctors room and snoop. That suddenly felt like a really good idea for some reason.

When I walked in, my stomach dropped. Alex laid on his bed, his face buried into the pillow.

I felt my breathing quicken, is he trying to kill himself? "Alex?" I asked, watching his body shake as he pushed his face down harder.

No. No. No.

I rushed over to his bed and pulled the pillow away from him, he immediately started gasping for air. Heaving, he let his head hit the bed.
His face was red and tears littered his cheeks.

I did this. I'm a monster.

Say something, idiot. Say something, make sure he's okay.