They Told You To Stay Away (Jalex)

Nights and days fly by

Chapter Six
Title from Poppin' Champagne by All Time Low.

The days seem to go by in hours, which really scares me. I've never liked it when things seemed to move so unbelivably fast. I feel like my life is wasting in front of my eyes, and I have no control over that. "Jack? Are you okay?" I glanced behind me for a mere second and caught a glimpse of Kellin, laying halfway covered in the sheets of my bed.

I nodded, looking down between my hands and the condom wrapper on the floor.

"Are you upset about what Christian said about you today?" he asked, sympathetically moving to put a hand on my bare shoulder.

"No, I could care less if he thinks i'm a casonova" I said, feeling completely and utterly numb. "I mean, I sleep around. He isn't wrong" I added, honestly not caring about how the number of guys i've slept with in the past month. At first it made me feel good about myself, it made me distracted and it gave me things to do. Now, it just makes me feel numb instead of upset.

Why does Dannys opinion of my weight even matter? I miss him, and I suppose I feel like my weight was part of him leaving.

"You're not that bad" Kellin said, in a tone that was meant to make me feel better.

"Seven different guys in a matter of a month? Kellin, I know that its not good" I said, standing up to put my clothes on. Kellin sighed and did the same.

"There's no problem with it. I mean, you use condoms and if it makes you feel good, then-"

"It doesn't make me feel anything anymore" I said, honestly. I felt like crying but I knew that I couldn't around him, so I didn't let myself do that.

Kellin looked at me sadly, and as soon as he got his clothes back on, he walked to my door "let me know if you ever need anything, alright?"

I nodded at Kellin and tried to give him a light smile before he was gone, and then I let myself break down. I got up from my bed and walked into the hallway, knowing that no one was home I went to my parents room, and to their bathroom. Their room and bathroom looks as if it hasn't ever been touched. Everything is perfectly clean and set up like a hotel room.

I grabbed the scale out of their bathroom floor and brought it to my bathroom. They won't notice, and even if they did, I know they wouldn't really mind.

I looked at myself in the mirror and took a breath before I put the scale in front of me and stepped onto it. I anxiously waited for the numbers to pop up in red. I saw the number and squeezed my eyes shut. I don't know if it is a bad number. How much should I weigh?

167 was the number that came up.

I stepped off and felt a metallic taste in my mouth. I haven't been weighed in a long time, and I don't even remember what the number was then. I'm sure its higher.

I looked down at myself, and then picked my head up to look in the mirror. 167. The number was burned into my mind.

I should go for a run, I haven't done that since gym class. Maybe that would help a little bit? I heard that it's a natural stress reliever.

Yeah, a run sounds nice.

***

I stepped out of the shower and dried myself off again. Being sure to cover the mirror before I could see myself, I got my clothes on and left my bathroom. I did feel a little better after running. I ran for a long time, and it was pretty difficult but with a few breaks I was okay.

I decided to go with a salad for dinner, and the preparation was the worst part about that. I decided to make enough salad to have salad all week. I cut the cucumbers and the lettuce, and the carrots, and then I tossed them together.

The salad would be healthier without anything else, like cheese or dressing, so I left those off.

By the time I finished making the salad, It was late. Neither of my parents are home, so they must be staying extra late to work on their projects. They really do love to work, I just don't know if they understand that the things they love to do also make it a lot harder for them to spend time with their own family, and each other. Even if they do realize that, i'm not sure that they care.

***

I woke up to the ringing of my phone, It played Feeling This by Blink 182, which will never stop being my favorite band of all time.

I forced my eyes to open, but they only wanted to close again. It couldn't be time for school already. I clicked the answer button and pressed the phone to my ear "hello?" I didn't even check the number, I probably should've done that.

"Hey" I didn't have to force my eyes to open this time, it was Danny.

"H-hey, are you okay?" I immediately sat up and rubbed my eyes, barley believing that it could be him.

"I'm in your driveway" he said, slurring. Is he drunk?

He's in my driveway? I got up from my bed and walked out to my front door, turning on my porch light. God, did he walk here?

Danny was standing just before the few steps to my porch, without a car or anything else. I opened the door, being sure to be quiet as both of my parents cars were here as well. I hung up the phone and stood at the door "come on" I said in a whisper.

Danny followed me into my house, and into my room. I shut the door behind us as he sat on my bed. "Are you okay? How did you get here?" I questioned, fully awake now.

"I-uh" he seemed to trail off, looking at a poster on my wall for a minute before he replied "I walked f-from a friends-" he stopped himself. I could tell now that he was drunk.

I sat beside him on my bed, and he immediately started to kiss me. He was being forceful, close to desperate. Of course, I kissed him back, but I'm beyond confused.

I pulled away from him and looked him in the eyes, it only took a second for him to start kissing me again. "Why are you here?" I asked, feeling close to tears. He's only here because he's drunk.

"I heard that you've been a real slut around school" he spat, angrily, which took me by surprise as he was just trying to kiss me. "You're mine, you aren't their's" he said in a damanding tone.

"I didn't think you wanted me" I said, innocently.

"You- you're the fattest guy i've ever been with. Everything else a-about you is good" he slurred.

I'm the fattest guy he's ever been with? I buried my face in my hands and made it a point not to let him see my silent crying.

"I'm s-sorry, It's the t-truth"

My chest and head started to hurt at the same time. All I ever wanted was to be enough for him, and that is the reason i'm not. I've never been so angry and disappointed in myself.

I sat for a minute or two longer before I stood up. Danny looked up at me with an extremely drunk expression "Well I am losing weight" I spoke tenderly. "I promise, I am"

Danny looked at me and gave me a light smile "thanks for understanding"

Understanding what? That i'm too fat for you?

I don't think he knows what he's saying, but maybe that is what he's been meaning to say this whole time. He wouldn't be saying any of this sober. "get some rest" I said, helping him lay down on my bed, I covered him up.

I made a quick run to the kitchen, and got him a glass of water for when he woke up. I also went to my bathroom to get him some advil.

While in the bathroom I of course looked at myself, and I felt much worse about myself than ever. I saw that my face was fat, and my neck, and every other part of my body was too.

I looked down at the scale, and then to my body.

How do you lose weight fast?

Then my eyes landed on my toothbrush. Then to my toilet.

No. That's something teenage girls do when they hate themselves, that is bad. It is unhealthy.

And at the same time, it works, doesn't it?