They Told You To Stay Away (Jalex)

You break me down

Chapter Eight
Title from Walls by All Time Low.

I feel so extremely tired. It's hard to concentrate, or even think about anything for a long time without my mind falling back to Danny or my new diet.

I paced my bathroom, glancing at the mirror that I had covered just for this. After four days of not eating a single thing, it is time to weigh myself to see if its actually working the way I want it to.

I don't notice a difference in the way I look, so I don't expect it to be a lot of weight, but it has only been four days. Four days of waking up to run before school, and coming home to run before work. Four days of not eating at all.

If this works, i'll have to eat something though. In the first two days, I was hungry but it seemed easy to distract myself from eating. Now, I have pretty deep hunger pains, but they hurt so bad that it kind of makes me feel sick to think about eating anyways.

The combination of running six miles a day and not eating made me so tired. It makes it hard to move, but even with how tired I am, it's so hard to sleep.

Danny distracts me from my new "diet" when he's over, but things have been a little tense since he hit me. I forgave him, of course. He was angry, and I should've known when to stop. I knew that he was capable of doing something like that, but it still hurts that he did. I don't think that you're supposed to hurt the person that you love, and if I did that to him I would never forgive myself, but he has no remorse.

I need to stop stalling, and weigh myself.

I put both feet on the scale and took a deep breath as I waited for the number that would tell me if it actually worked or not.

I looked down at the number as soon as it came up. 159. That's eight pounds in four days.

I felt a sense of pride, and at the same time I was confused. Am I going to eat again after I lost this much weight from not eating? I can't eat anything, and at the same time i'm really not going to be able to keep running or even walking if I don't eat something.

I'll just eat something small. Something to give me energy and keep me going.

I walked out of the bathroom, and immediately crashed onto my bed, too exhausted to do much of anything else. I should be doing homework, or at least attempting to do it, but I can't. I can't even focus on it long enough to bullshit it.

I closed my eyes for about ten minutes before I decided it was time that I actually did something. I took my phone out and opened up one of my social media accounts. Scrolling through the pictures of musicians and students that go to my school. I've never been big on social media, but it can be entertaining when I'm bored. I saw a picture Kellin posted of him and a few of his friends. I knew one of them as Wyatt, he had a gleaming smile.

I clicked on Wyatts profile, intending to follow him, but instead I glanced down at one of his most previous pictures. A picture of him and Danny.

I clicked on it, and saw that it was posted two weeks ago. The picture had the caption of three fire emoji, and nothing else.

I can't assume that they had a thing, but I had an immediate feeling that they did. The way Danny had his arm slung around Wyatts shoulder in the picture looked simply friendly in the eyes of anyone else at school, but I wasn't foreign to the same gesture.

I looked at Wyatt, his frame much skinnier than my own. I remembered how visable his ribs had been when he was at my house.

He's the skinny that Danny prefers.

I clicked my phone off with a sigh. I'm just torturing myself. Wyatt is so much skinnier, I have to get to that point. Danny would be much happier with me then, maybe he wouldn't be so ashamed of me.