They Told You To Stay Away (Jalex)

Leaving me a mess

Chapter five
Title from The Girl's A Straight-Up Hustler by All Time Low

"God, you really are a mess, aren't you?" The guy said, somewhere between being amused and aggrivated. "Who hurt you?"

"No one hurt me" I said defensively. "I'm sorry, I just can't have feelings for people when I have feelings for someone else" I blamed Kellin for putting me in this situation. God, what am I even doing? I'm better off alone.

"Sex doesn't have to have feelings. No strings attached" He said simply, making me look at him. Oh, thats what he wants. Thats why Kellin wanted us to hang out, he thinks sex will cure my broken heart? "Come on, Jack. I'll make you forget about him" he said flirtatiously.

I don't think anything can make me forget about him. Ever.

I don't want to have sex for no reason, and what if It doesn't help? It'll be even worse.

I don't even know his name. Is that important? Probably.

"I won't pressure you to do something you aren't comfortable with" he said, flashing me a kind smile. I appreciated that. I walked towards him and stood in front of him for a moment "but you are beautiful" he complimented, making me blush a little.

"Not too fat?" I asked, self consciously, thinking back to what Danny had said about liking the skinnier guys.

"Too fat?" he scoffed "Who told you that?" he asked, looking at me confused.

"No one, I just-"

"You're not fat. Not at all. You're beautiful" he said, chuckling a bit as he put his hands on my waist.

I smiled. Maybe Danny just has an unrealistically skinny fetish? I leaned down to kiss the boy, and he gladly kissed me back.

He made me feel a little better about the way I look.

***

I listened to the shower as it ran, I took off my clothes and felt to make sure that it was warm enough for me. I've never been able to take cold showers comfortably.

I wonder if Danny is thinking of me, was my immediate thought when I stepped in. I wonder if he misses me, or at least misses the time we spent together. That guy really did take my mind off of Danny until now, and I felt like finding more people like him to distract me.

He made me feel a little better about myself, he told me that I wasn't fat and he kept assuring me that I wasn't. I never really felt like my weight was an issue until Danny, and when I think of him it still sparks embarassment. It is really important to me that I am what he needs, and I wasn't because of my weight.

I looked down at my body. My stomach does poke out, and my ribs aren't visible. It wouldn't hurt to lose a few pounds, maybe then Danny would really miss me.

I tried to shake the thoughts of him as I washed my hair. Feeling the warm water fall over me was relaxing, and I'm torturing myself by thinking of Danny so much.

I just feel alone. I've never had friends or boyfriends, and Danny was the first one to really show that to me. Now its gone, he's gone. Now that I saw what it was like to not be alone, I don't want to be alone. Maybe it is best though. Maybe I shouldn't mess around with different guys, it just makes me feel important.

When I got out of the shower and dried myself off, I was left looking at myself in the mirror. I looked at my stomach and my hips, and for the first time ever I saw myself as a bigger person. It upset me that Danny thought I was big, but now I saw myself that way and it made me feel even worse.