They Told You To Stay Away (Jalex)

A mess of everything

Chapter Twenty Four
Title from
(I'm skipping a week in the story but don't worry, not much happens. Alex and Jack continue to be friends)

"What did you do on the last day before you got put in here?" Alex asked.

I had to think about it for a moment. "I woke up, and I went to school, and I knew I would be here so I didn't bother being productive" I said. And I cried. I cried a lot on that day.

"Who was the last person at school you talked to?" He asked. I scoffed, but not at Alex.

"A guy named Danny..sort of an ex boyfriend" I said. He knows I'm gay, right? Surely with Vic being his friend someone told him.

I saw him look at me intently "what was he like?" He asked.

Shit. I can't tell him what Danny was really like, that would be opening up a little too much.

"He was an ass" I said, watching him quickly nod.

"What about your last day?" I asked, seeing as he contemplated his next words.

"I was unconscious for the whole day..three days before that though.. I went to school and I talked to my friends, and I had an okay day. But then I went home, and yeah" he said, leaving things in silence.

And he went home and slit his wrist?
Something was missing.

"How many points have you lost today?" I asked, watching as he thought, probably counting in his head.

However, I don't need to count, I just add it up all day every time I lose points.

"Six" Alex said proudly. I know that he's made A's all week because he's been proud of it, I'm proud of him too.

I contemplated telling him my shameful amount.
"I lost thirty five" I said.

I watched as his eyes widen, but he quickly tried to disguise that.

I saw it though, and I know what he was thinking.

"Dinner!" a nurse called. Alex got up and smiled at me as he walked out.

No. Dinner.
I've probably gained twenty more pounds by now.

What did he mean when I was supposed to gain faster?

Do they just pump eating disorder patients with food until they're plump enough to leave?

Tammy carried in a tray of meatloaf.
God no.
Meatloaf with a side of carrots and potatoes. That's like a million calories.

Tammy sat down in her chair and watched me.
She's seen some real shit in here, I kind of feel bad for her.

Tammy takes two days off a week, and instead of her I usually have random nurses sit in with me.

Dr.Grace, Dr.Mullins, and Dr.Corgan are here everyday, so I feel like they're kind of like my parents with their life outside of work.
Of course they've all had days off and vacations and such, but they usually have someone to replace them for the time they're gone.

I stabbed at the disgusting hunk of meat on my plate. There's no way I'm eating that.

I looked up at Tammy uncomfortably.

Why do I feel like I'm always on the verge of a breakdown?

I feel so terribly tired with everything around me, I'm constantly expected to do things that I can't do.

Don't they know how hard this is?

They want me to get better, and I know they're trying but I don't feel like things are getting any better.
I'm eating, I'm gaining weight, but I still feel like I want to die every time I eat. I still feel the need to control my calorie intake. I feel the need to look on the scale and see a smaller number.