They Told You To Stay Away (Jalex)

The smile you fake

Chapter Twenty One
Title from Keep The Change, You Filthy Animal by All Time Low.

Alex left the room as I slipped a hoodie over my head. Tammy will be in here soon with breakfast.

I sighed and fixed my hair as I walked back towards my bed, taking a second glance at Alex's unmade bed.

I wonder what he was dreaming about last night.

I didn't have much time to think about that before I noticed a small white piece of plastic sticking out from under his pillow. I felt my stomach start to hurt. I sucked in a breath as I gently picked up his pillow to see a plastic fork.

He's going to cut himself?
Has he already done it?

I shook my head to myself and quickly grabbed it, putting his pillow back in the position It was in before.

I took the fork back with me to my bed. I'll have to sneak it on my plate so Tammy can throw it away with my breakfast.

I've never understood self harm.
Then again, I'm sure Alex wouldn't understand not eating.
We just cope with things differently.

He'll probably be pissed at me when he finds out I took it, but I can't let him hurt himself.

Weather I show it or not, I do care about him and I want him to be successful here.

"Goodmorning, Jack" Tammy said as she walked in, my tray in hand. All that was on the tray was a bowl of cereal, it looked to be chereeos, which would be easy enough.

She handed me the tray and I picked up my fork to stir the pieces of cereal around. I hesitantly put about three pieces of cereal on the spoon at a time and ate them.

As long as I don't have to drink the milk, my mind is on Alex more than ever right now.

Alex is so troubled, I can see through his desperation to get out. He isn't here to get better, he's just here so he can get out.

I continued to eat the cereal, only really getting upset about it a few times. I couldn't eat more than half of the cereal, but Tammy seemed to accept it.

Once Tammy was back for a few minutes, Alex walked back into the room, seeming a little uptight.

I laid back on the pillows and he glanced at me as Tammy started to leave, he smiled at her.

He walked to his bed and I looked to the ceiling. It only took a minute for him to pick his pillow up. I looked at him, and gave him a look to let him know that it was me.

He looked anxious, shaky as he gave me a look as if he was asking if I did it, just to make sure.

"I threw it away" I admitted.

He looked at me with mixed emotions as he stood up "why?" He asked, in a voice that was almost hauntingly weak.

"You'll never get out if you cut yourself" I resorted, trying to not make it personal. Trying to not show him that I honestly do care that he gets better.

He pulled at his hair, and his expression went from mixed to angry "why the fuck do you care if I get out?!" He yelled in a whisper.

I want you to be okay.
I don't want you to hurt yourself.
But I couldn't say that.

"Oh, right, you want me fucking gone!" He hissed, starting to cry only a little bit. "I should've known that, no one fucking wants me near them, much less you. How about this, you fucking let me kill myself and I'll be gone, I can't be a fucking bother to you anymore! Is that fucking better, Jack?" He continued as he stepped closer to me.