They Told You To Stay Away (Jalex)

Nightmares

Chapter Eighteen
Title from Nightmares by All Time Low.

I felt my hands shake as I put my fork down, shoving the plate away from me.

I can't. It's so hard to eat, it's so hard to do any of this.

I felt my eyes start to water and I laid back on my bed. I placed my hand on my stomach, feeling as it isn't nearly as small as it used to be. I've gained so much weight, I know it.

I can't help but feel bad about gaining.

The tears that did spill, were quickly swatted away by me, and Tammy got up to take my tray. I ate a little less than half, but I know they'll let me pass.

When Tammy got back, I focused on the ceiling and tried to avoid her disapproving gaze.
It only took a few seconds for Alex to walk in, but I didn't bother to look at him. I hope I don't look like I'm crying. Alex unpacked his things for a good thirty minutes before Tammy left, leaving the two of us alone.

I listened as he sighed, glancing back at me, and I kind of feel bad.
I know how scary it can be to come here. Why do I even feel bad? Because I was rude?

"Did you lose points?" I asked nosily. Trying not to sound as upset as I am.

"Six" he replied, I picked my head up from my pillow.

"Ooh such a bad bitch" I said sarcastically. Why am I being nice to him? He needs to hate me.

"I hate popcorn, and I don't even think that food is food" he added.

I scoffed, agreeing with him. The food isn't too great here.

"If you don't eat any of your meals they'll feed you from a tube, so you better eat" I tipped, watching him seem interested in my response before he shrugged.

"How do you know?" He asked.
Shit. I'm fucking things up for myself. Friendly conversations can't keep happening.

"You haven't had their pot pies" I remarked with a chuckle and a small smile.
What am I doing?
Alex isn't my friend, I don't need him to be my friend. Things would be much easier without him sharing my room.
"I saw you talking to Jonny's group" I said, letting myself be an asshole again.

"They're my friends" he said matter of factly.

I scoffed at him "no one here are friends.. it's just a bunch of people feeling sorry for each other because they have nothing better to do" I replied, watching his expression grow frustrated.

"You know, maybe if you were nice to people you would understand that it's possible for people to actually care about each other" he snapped.

I let my eyes fall to the ground.
No. No one cares. There's not anyone in here that cares about me.
Dr.Grace wants to burrow into my life, into my past that doesn't even have anything to do with why I'm here and it only makes it worse.
My parents haven't even come to visit me, neither has May or Joe. No one.
I'm in here and no one cares about the way I feel.

No one cares that everything is crumbling around me.

Alex sat on his bed and looked out the window, being quiet for a really long time. Maybe I should leave him alone?

He just got here, and even though I don't want to be his friend. I do want him to have time to think.

I coughed as I started to get up, and out of the corner of my eye I watched as Alex physically jumped. I pulled my covers to the top of my bed and left the room, walking into the day room. I sat on the couch and studied people who sat in the room.