They Told You To Stay Away (Jalex)

Keep away the stares

Chapter Twenty Nine
Title from My Only One by All Time Low.
And.. here's the horribly dramatic chapter about bread.

"Hi boys! Please take a seat at table two" Dr.Grace cooed as Alex and I walked in.
I noticed as we walked towards the table that there was bread and butter.

Does she expect me to eat in front of so many people?
The other people at the table were Vic and Jonny. Couldn't she put me with Andrew? Someone else who understood?

I glanced up and found both Andrew and Hunter seated at another table with bread and butter. The other table was making Kool Aid.

She did this on purpose.

Andrews eyes met mine with a sort of urgency. He knows what's wrong with me, he definitely knows.

I guess I knew that already, but it's still nerve racking.

"Hey, hey it's okay" Alex whispered to me as soon as Jonny and Vic started a conversation.

Are they dating? They're always together.

I gave Alex a slight nod as I looked at my hands. I don't want him to worry just because I have to butter bread. The part I'm worried about is eating it, not only because I have to eat, mostly because there are so many people in here to watch me eat.

I glanced at the others in the room. What if they think I'm fat?

No. I'm too skinny, not fat. No one thinks that. At least Alex doesn't.

Does Hunter think I'm fat?

"Okay, so today our recreational therapy will be focusing on everyday activities. We have one table making Kool Aid, and the other two tables will be cutting and buttering bread, I left detailed instructions out, but if you need further guidance I'll be glad to help. Once everything is made each person will get a cup of Kool Aid and a piece of bread, you are expected to eat it" she paused, looking right at me.

Bitch.

"Any questions?" She asked.
No. No questions for you.
"Okay, you may begin"

Is she actually serious?
Who needs instructions to butter bread? I know she treats us like preschoolers, but I didn't think she actually thought we were preschoolers.

I'm also not stupid, I know this activity is her final test for me. If I don't do it correctly, will she second guess letting me go?

That was enough to add double the pressure to the situation.
"Y-can you hand me one?" I whispered at Alex as he watched Vic and Jonny starting.

Alex nodded and put a slice of bread on both my napkin and his.

I took the knife and started to cut into the bread, feeling eyes on me. Is everyone looking at me? They are, aren't they?

I tightened my grip on the knife as I didn't want to look. Why would they be looking at me? Do they think I'm fat?

"Good job, Jack" I almost jumped as I heard Dr.Grace behind me. I looked up and inspected the room, seeing that no one was actually looking at me.

But what if they stopped looking at me only for a second?

Stop. Stop being paranoid.

I finished cutting the bread I needed to cut, and looked up every now and then to make sure no one was watching me.
"Does she really think we need to practice spreading butter on slices of bread?" Jonny spoke up, laughing.
"It's not like it's challenging to cut bread, to put butter on it, and to eat it" he said.

Butter. The butter. Do they even know how fattening butter is?
Oh my god, they've been poisoning me with butter this whole time!

I dropped the knife I was holding, and now everyone really is looking at me.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

I'm being fed butter behind my back, and I dropped a knife.

I picked up the knife and muttered a small "sorry" as I placed it back on the table.

After awhile people got back to what they were doing, but I could feel Jonny and Vic looking at me. Burrowing their eyes into my soul.

After Alex used the knife, he handed it to me. Now I have to put the butter on. I'll put significantly less on the half I eat, but I can't let Dr.Grace notice that.

This probably has so many calories. White bread and butter. Didn't they hear that white bread just turns into sugar when it hits your stomach?
Is that even true?
I'm not sure but I heard it about twenty times as a kid.

I buttered the bread and when we finished we separated the ones we were eating from the ones that would be given to other groups.

I, of course, got the piece with the less butter on it.

"Good job, guys" Dr.Grace spoke as a nurse handed out the Kool Aid and Dr.Grace took our extra bread and handed those out to the table without bread.

I also got off with a significantly smaller piece. I might've cut it a little uneven on purpose.

"Okay, now I want each of you to eat and at your table I want you to share one good thing about your day" she said, of course she had to add her little therapy chat.

I watched as Jonny rolled his eyes at her.
At least I'm not the only one.

Now, how am I supposed to eat around all of these people?

I glanced at Andrew for only a short second. Maybe he feels the same.

Alex started talking to Vic and Jonny. Is he doing that for me? To distract them?

I felt a small blush form as I picked up the bread, looking around at the room before taking a small bite from it.
As Alex continued to talk to Vic and Jonny, the one bite turned into five. I counted.

I always count.

I looked up to see Dr.Grace watching me, a smirk on her face as she did.
I immediately put the bread down and she turned quickly.

I felt my hand start to shake. She just watched me eat, and she was proud of herself.

She watched me eat the terrible piece of buttered bread. I wonder if she's aware of the amount of calories on it.

Wait. The container is right in front of me. Why would she do that? Does she want me to see the calories?

I discreetly studied the back of the butter on the nutrition facts. It was even placed towards me, the bread was too far away for me to see that.

I held my breath when I saw the calories.
Every tablespoon is 102 calories.

102..

It's 102 calories.
Oh god.

I can't finish this. What if I've already eaten 102 calories?
Oh my god, they probably poison me with butter everyday.

I felt my hand start to shake.
It's just butter and bread.
I can't eat anymore.

I looked around and my eyes landed on Dr.Grace, this time she was staring down Andrew.
I glanced at the nurses, some picking up trash from the tables.

I quickly folded the bread and shoved the rest in my pocket.

Would Alex think I'm a failure if he knew that I couldn't finish a piece of bread?

I drank the Kool Aid a lot easier, just glad to be done with the bread.
When I finished I noticed Alex smiling at Dr.Grace.

"Are you okay?" He whispered.

I was quick to nod and offer a small smile.

"I'm okay"