The sight of the gates of my new school made my scared. Scratch that, it terrified me. New schools are always a struggle for everyone, an extra strugglefor the fat girl.
"Don't cry, I know you'll miss your friends but that's life. We can no longer afford your old school. Se kiyi hakuri( you have to be patient)" I didn't even realise i was tearing up. I quickly wiped my face and nodded.
"I understand " i said to my mother.
I was shaking in the knees as I walk down the halls with the slightly pudgy head teacher to my new class, very tempted to run back. But then, being as clumsy as i am, I'll probably fall on my face. I remember the time i face planted on the stage at a school function full of parents, students and teachers.
Entering the class, half of the student population stood up to greet me as though I was a teacher while the other half laughed. I rolled my eyes although my heart squeezed in different types of pain. I knew the reception was going to be cruel but this is on another level. I am obviously not a teacher!
'You look atleast 200 pounds' my subconscious stated. I hate her, but she's right.
"Introduce yourself " the teacher said, dragging me out of my internal bickering.
"My name is Sameerah Muhammad"
I'm 5feet 5 inches tall, dark in complexion and fat. Not fat as in thick. I mean fat with tummy, giant thighs and flabby arms. Like most fat girls, I've had it tough. Relatives and neighbours picking on you, people in school always making mean jokes about you, not finding clothes of people your age that fits you, it is hell.
I am not like other fat girls. During the day, I'm a paradigm of body positivity, courage and self love and might roast the hell out of you if you spoke about my weight but at night, i am a self loathing mess. I hated all of it and i so badly want to be skinny.
I screened the class for someone my size as the teacher babbled on about something, rules i think. Everyone was either cute and petite or tall and slender. For the fourth time, I was the odd one. The mother of the class as I was called. I was among the youngest in all my classes but the biggest. I was thirteen in ss1( 10th year).
I sat at the rear of the class to avoid obstructing any one's view. Not because I was that tall but because they were cute and petite like that. There were some tall girls but none of them was half as big as I was. I already hate it here.
Like every new girl, I sat alone and quiet at the back of the class. The girls were giggly and chatty while the boys were noisy. Just the usual Nigerian high school. A teacher popped up every thirty minutes to tell 'us' to quiet down.
Everyone was laughing I couldn't help but feel like I was the subject or object rather, of their amusement. Its always like that when you are an insecure pile of fat.
I rested my head on the table as we waited for the next teacher.
The math teacher made me introduce myself in front of the whole class, again. They all stared at me with amusement dancing in their eyes. People say you get used to being called names but I swear I never got used to it and I don't think I'll ever do. Every little name caused a burning pain down in my gut and every time, I regret every morsel of food I ever swallowed. Not like even eat anymore.
Time crawled by like a pregnant snail. I couldn't wait for this horrid day to end. The teachers were nice and all but every few minutes, a student from one of the other classes shows up at our class door to see the new 'mama'. It didn't help that I was wearing mufti. It made me look more like a teacher or parent than a student.
Students were in their uniforms or clothes fit for 13-14 year olds and I'm wearing a black gown. Straight and simple. I couldn't dress my age since I looked at least 18. Okay maybe not 18.
'Totally 18'
I rested my head on the desk for the umpteenth time that day to block out some of the scrutiny but some girls would actually walk up to me and tapped me.
"We came to say hi" they'd say, flaunting their feminine voices. I'd smile and say hi back. They're totally lying.
" hi" a high pitched screech almost impairing my hearing. I turned towards the voice and found myself staring down at a pretty girl in all her petite glory and cuteness. Just looking at her made my self loathing crash back with a force that brought almost brought tears to my eyes.
'hi'
I followed her like a tail for the rest of the day since I didn't have a clue where half of my classes were. At some point she began ignoring me but I brushed it of. Since she stooped as low as talking to the new girl, 'the new fat girl' I could manage a few unanswered questions and blank stares.
It was almost tradition in a Nigerian high school: no one speaks to the new girl for at least a week. The girls usually. The boys usually become friends with a new boy in less than three ours. I swear I envy them and how simple their life is.
I watched the seconds tick on my wrist as the teacher babbled away. The day was finally ending and no one was happier.
The first week after resumption was usually filled with introductions, orientation and dumb rules so there was nothing important to listen to.
No one wanted to go home more than me after such a wonderful day but when the clock stroke three pm, I waited. I waited for the teacher to leave, then the chaste, then the nerds and finally the cool boys and classy girls. The utter bullshit.
Once the class was empty, I slowly gathered my things. I was in a haste to get home but i had zero energy at the moment. I am physically and mentally exhausted.
" how was you day?" my mum chirped excitedly. I couldn't help but smile at her enthusiasm. I love my mum, but it kinda hurts that she doesn't know her little "samy" was hurting. If she knew half of what I went through today, she wouldn't be so excited.
Though my eyes were a bit swollen from crying in the bathroom, I manage to make her believe it was fine.
I replayed the events of the day in my head and that night like many others, I cried till the pain faded, I cried till I ran out of tears, I cried till the darkness swallowed me.
A/N
Ayy so first chapter! Hope y'all liked it. Please vote, comment and share. Dedicated to hawwa16
A/N
Im now realising how painfully boring this first chapters are. Sheeesh😂
