Raped

Chapter 5: Not me

ELLA

I lay in my perfectly made bed as I curl up into a ball. I hold myself. I wanted to be alone. I can't get last nights events out I my head. He stole my innocence. Why me? I feel a burning sensation on my cheeks as the tears fall down from my blurred eyes. I don't feel like myself anymore.

"Ella?" Grayson knocks as he opens the door.

I quickly wipe away my tears. I don't want him to see me this way. I don't want him to look at me. I don't move. All I do is lay there holding myself hoping he'd go away.

He walks over and sits on the bed. I wanted to be alone. I didn't want him here. I felt him put his hand on my shoulder. I flinched and moved away. I sat up with my knees in my face. I don't want him to touch me. It doesn't feel the same. It won't ever feel the same.

"It's okay" he nods.

He reaches towards me. I move away as fast as possible. Every time he touches me it feels like the way that man touched me. I can't get his touch out of my mind. I just can't.

"P-p-please just l-leave me alone" I stutter as my eyes start to blur.

He got up and stopped at the door while holding the knob.

"I love you" he says as he leaves closing the door behind him.

I sit on the floor next to the bed and bury my face in my hands. Tears ran down my eyes. I can't do this. Grayson doesn't love me. Grayson loves the girl who used to be me. That girl was ripped away from me. I'm not me anymore. I won't ever be me anymore.

I hear a soft knock on the door. A blonde haired woman pokes her head through the door right before she walks in. She sits right next to me. She doesn't say anything for a moment knowing that being here for me says a lot. I stare at my hands still badly bruised.

"It's gonna get better" she tells me.

"No it's not" I sob.

"Yes it will, because putting this guy away will give you closure"

"Every time Grayson tries to touch me I flinch thinking it's that guy. I'm always scared. I can't go outside. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I can't stop crying. I can't stop thinking about what happened to me" I explain as more tears roll down my face.

She puts her arm around my shoulder and for the first time since that night I felt safe in someone's arms. I curled up closer to her and cried as I finally felt some type of assurance of safety. I don't know if I'll ever get better but I need to.

~

I slowly walk to the kitchen. It was the first time I've been out of my room. I don't want to be scared anymore. Not anymore.

Grayson was sitting on the couch. I walked over to him and sat next to him leaving space between us. I look over to him as he turns his head to face me. I slowly reach over to grab his hand and place it on my cheek. I let my head rest there.

"I love you, too" I say.

"No matter how hard this is, or how long it takes for you to be okay I'll always be here by your side. I'm not leaving you, ever" he assures me.

I smile. I finally smiled. He put his other hand on my other cheek cupping my face in his large and soft hands. He gently rubs my cheeks carful of my bruises. I didn't flinch. I wasn't scared. I trust him.

"I'll never hurt you the way he hurt you" he says.

"I know you never will" I sigh.

"I'm going to take a shower"I look at my hands.

He nods and lets go of my face. I make my way to the bathroom. I undress my self slowly. I can't stop staring at the bruises all over my body. On my neck, my thighs, my hands, my waist, and all over my back. I slowly run my fingers down every bruise and wince due to the pain.

I turn on the hot water. I waited until it was filled. I could see the stream rise up from the hot water. I slowly dipped my feet in until my whole body was under the water. I wanted these bruises to go away.

I laid there. My head barely above the water. I pushed my head under the water. I want to stay here. I want to let go. But I can't.

I pull my head above the water and take a deep breath. I can't do that to Grayson. It'd kill him. I just sit there in the hot water. I finally felt relaxed. I closed my eyes.

After a while I finally get out. I cover myself in a silky white towel. I look into the mirror and my curls were already starting to form through my damp hair. I drop my clothes in the basket and open the door.

I walk to the room. Grayson must've left. I hear knocks on the door. Still in my towel I run to the door hoping to see Grayson's muscular arms holding food.

But that's not what I see when I open the door. I instantly regretted opening the door. There he was. The very man who stole everything from me. Who robbed me of my innocence. Who made me quiver just thinking about how he hurt me. The very man who had raped me just 2 nights before.

He pushes through the door causing me to fall over. As he walks in he closes the door behind him. He kneels down only to grab my hair and drag me to the room. He throws me into the bed. I feel tears running down my face as i tried to fight back.

"LEAVE ME ALONE" I yell.

"GET AWAY FROM ME" I scream as I struggle to keep my towel on.

"Shut up you dumb bitch" he yells as he slaps me leaving a red burning feeling on my face.

I can't let him take away my dignity as I was finally starting to feel safe again. I kick him as hard as I can. I run out of my room and out of the house hoping to get away.

I run to my neighbors door and frantically knock on her door. She opens the door and I rush inside closing the door behind us.

"Ella? What's wrong?" She questions disregarding that I'm in a towel.

"Call the police" I cry as I fall to the floor.

I had finally started to feel safe again and once again he stole that from me. He stole my innocence. He ripped away that little girl who was looking forward to starting her life.

That's not me anymore.
That's not me.