Raped

Chapter 26: Love

ELLA/CHRISTINA

Everything seemed to be falling apart at the wrong time. And who knows what is next. I surely don't. I don't know what's anything. I don't know what my next move is. Nothing's okay. My wold is collapsing on me when I tried to hard to build it. It's like a game of Jenga. Only it's my life in the balance. One mistake and everything comes crumbling down. Everything I worked so hard to put together. And just like that. One mistake brought everything down. Everything fell to pieces.

I lay in the bed not wanting to get up. I don't need my life collapsing any more than it already has. Everything just sucks ass. Honestly. I groan as loud as I can. As I trudge to the bathroom, I start to undress. I turn on the hot water and take my hair out of the bun I had on the night before. I stare at my naked body as I trace over a few scars. Scars that I've had to look at every day of my life for years. Scars that remind me of a terrible past. Scars that made me the person I am now. I close my eyes not wanting to stare at them any longer. I get into the shower and run my hands through my hair. Tears start to stream down my face as I remember a poem I once read. A poem that once changed the way I looked at everything.

"It's strange how a few short seconds can lead you in a whole new direction,
It alters how you think and act and see your own reflection.
From a single moment on, my life was forever changed,
Like everything I previously knew had suddenly been rearranged.

No one will ever understand just how I felt that    day,
But deep within this poem I shall try to convey.
I cannot even begin to illustrate the repulsive person I once knew
I intend to simply express the horror that I went through.

I was abruptly pinned against the wall of a hard, rough concrete stairwell,
At 2 AM, in Mexico, where not a soul was likely to dwell
Suddenly I was capture, no possible way to escape.
Wondering if I deserved it, if it was truly my fate.

I tried to fly away, but my wings he had broke.
I was like an innocent cow, that he used to prod and poke.
My mind filled with confusion, and his filled with lust.
He took a part of me with each and every thrust.

Tears like elegant pearls gracefully danced down my face,
I peered into his soul with a firm look of disgrace.
His cold touch like a vacuum, sucking out the life in me.
His ears were wide open, but he wouldn't hear my plea.

Standing there in the night, so scared, so exposed.
I was covered by a veil of darkness, like satin petals of a rose.
The glowing moon looked down at me, peaking through a massive blanket of stars.
I could touch it; it seemed so close, but it was really oh so far.

Worse than the doctor; he injected me with filth and dirt.
His intention was deliberate; it was very clear and overt.

It is a bit funny that a piece of scum is all he'll ever be,
And the only thing that he accomplished doing in life-is me.

Sometimes at night I simply can't fall asleep,
Thinking about how my innocence is no longer mine to keep.
What some can only imagine in their worst possible nightmare,
Is my gruesome reality that can't be undone nor repaired.

I may have the sweetest, glowing between my nose and chin.
But only I know the truth about the deep secrets held within.
I may have the prettiest eyes that have seen more than they should,
And have cried more delicate tears than anyone else ever could.

I may have the kindest heart, but that came with a cost
It has felt the worst of pains, and experienced the greatest of loss.
I cannot change the past, an event to which I succumbed.
But I can focus on the present, and change what is yet to come.

We are all so different, and yet so much the same.

Everyone, in some way or another, will experience a kind of pain.
Everybody has things the wish it to recall,
Into each life some rain must fall.

Scattered throughout our lives, like a friend that is one of a kind,
Dreary days will steadily approach, bad memories trailing behind.
These dark days are necessary, just as important as the rest,
For if we didn't have the worst, we couldn't recognize the best."

I've already had my worst but I can't let more go through what I went through. I have to get my closure. It's the only I can finally be happy. I just need to be happy. My babies are waiting for me. In a home I felt so close to. With a man I fell so deeply in love with. A man whole stole my heart the moment I saw him. A man I so desperately want to see at the end of the aisle one day.

Of everything that has happened, I do what I do because I want a better life for my kids. It's always for them. And the man I love.

~

A/N/////

Omg so sorry I haven't been posting. I recently broke my phone and I had to wait to get a new one, but I'm back. I'll ty to post more than at least 3 times a week if I can. The poem is not mine, but honestly I really touched me. I am not taking credit for the poem, I don't want anyone to get mad at me and say hey that's mine not yours, bc it's not mine.
Hope y'all understand💗