Raped

Chapter 32: Forever

GRAYSON

Dear Grayson,

I hold my breath. I don't want to read any further but I have to. For my sake. Everything in my life has fallen apart. I've fallen apart. I need this. I really do.

            It's been so long since I've seen your smile. The smile that once made butterflies appear in my stomach out of thin air.

My heart sinks as I remember the last time I saw her beautiful eyes and smile. I still long to see them. To see them one more time. Everyday I look at pictures of us together. Before everything started to unravel, to fall apart.

Since I've last held you close. Since I've last smelled your fragrance. The fragrance that I seemed to be addicted to. But everyday I'm away, the thought of knowing I'll be back in your arms is what keeps me going. And I know I'm causing more pain than I am causing myself, I love you. I love you with all my heart. With every single ounce of love I have. You kept me sane all those years after I was taken from my home. You kept me happy.

Tears start to form in my eyes as my vision blurs. I try to continue to read her letter but I stop to clean my tears. She always thought I looked adorable when I cried, if only she could see me now, I briefly laugh.

And everyday I was with you I thought, how did I get so lucky to get a guy as perfect as you? You could have had anyone and you chose me. And every time I'd ask why, you always said to me, "The way you smile makes my heart ache, your touch lingers after you've removed your hand from my skin, your smell is like a drug I'm addicted to, and the way you make me feel is a way I've never felt before, a way only you can make me feel, and that's why I knew I had to have you."

I thought she forgot about that. But she held onto those words. And I meant them, how could I not. She did make my heart ache. Her touch did leave a residue that I longed for. And the way she smelled. Oh, the smell of a tropical breeze mixed with fruits. I became addicted to that smell. Only because it was her smell. And I couldn't bring myself to let it go. But now I hardly even know what she smells like anymore. I'm starting to forget. And as much as I don't want to, I am.

And I know everyday, that you truly love me with everything you have. I know you have loved and cherished both Christian and Christina with all of your heart and strength.

My heart sinks knowing I've been to depressed to bring myself around them. The remind me of her in every way. Christian has her eyes and Christina looks exactly like her. I'm neglecting them because they remind me of the woman I love so much. Ethan's been more of a parent to them than I have. He's had sleepless nights watching them while I wallow in self pity because the love of my life left to protect me and our kids. Wow. What is wrong with me? I tear up.

But please, the last time I saw you my heart broke knowing I put you into the pain you feel now. I need you to get better, not just for me, but for our children. They are what you have left of me for now. So please get up, hug them, kiss them, get them showered and dressed with the clothes I have sent for them, get yourself showered and dressed, and as much as I love the thought of your stubble, shave and take them and Ethan out to eat. Be the family that we are. And although I'm not there, you have two of the most precious and beautiful children in the whole world with you in my place. Pretend I'm away on a trip. And never let go of the thought of me coming back. Because I promise you, I am coming back.

With love,
Christina Hernandez,
Ella Braille

I sigh. Tears now covering most of the page, I get up and walk to Christians and Christina's room. The only room in the house I've refused to go into. I walk in to find them playing with each other in their cribs. I look down at them as they both stand up and giggle.

"Dada" Christian smiles.

"Dada Dada" Christina gestures for me to pick her up.

I pick them both up and they hug me. A wave of love for them hit me. How did I go all of these months refusing to love them. They are my blood, my children. How can I not love them?

I undress them both as I leave the warm water running. Carrying them both to the tub they hold hands showing their love for one another. As I set them into the water they splash each other and laugh. My heart aches.

"I see you've found the two babies that have been living in our house rent free for months" Ethan laughs.

I smile at him, my brother. "Yeah sadly they won't even pay the water bill" I stand up.

"Such free loaders" we both laugh.

I've missed this. The talks and laughs we had. The bond we vowed to never break. Yet here we are talking like we've barely seen each other in years.

"I've missed you" I walk over and hug him.

"I've missed you, too" he squeezes me tight.

"Wanna go out to eat? Me, you, the kids?" I smile.

"Ugh please, I haven't had like a night out of this house in months"

"Yeah that's my fault" I scratch my head awkwardly.

"No big deal though, plus I swear Christian has it out for me"

"Yeah I bet" I laugh hysterically.

"No seriously dude, look at the way he looks at me" he gestures towards Christian looking at him with a mean face.

"Woah, good luck there" I joke.

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I sit down at a table once we get home. With the kids asleep and Ethan out I decided I needed to write back. She needs to know I love her back.

Dear Christina/Ella,

Not only have I waited for you to come back for what seems like forever, but I've longed for you to come back and be apart to this family. Our family. I was in such a bad place when you left and then when you came back only to leave again. I though I would never be happy again. I refused to get up in the mornings and eat in the days. And even refused to take care of my own children. Those who needed me the most. And now I look back and think how the fuck could I not take care of the 2 of 4 of the most important people in my life. I have longed for you to come back, for me to hold you in my arms and for you to tell me everything will be okay. I've missed the way you've made me smile. The way you're lips would pucker unintentionally when you'd get mad. The way your nose scrunched up when you laughed. The way you'd tease me when I ate. The way you'd make your Mexican American breakfast every morning to show that you loved your heritage. The way we'd have kind nice talks in the car at 2 am eating each other's Chinese's food only to end up throwing it at each other in a playful fight. The way your body went perfectly with mine. Everything about you I fell in love with. I've always noticed the little things you've done. Like at times you'd change your hairstyle to get me to notice and I always did. Or when you'd force me to go shopping with you, I always secretly loved it. Because I got to spend time with the girl of my dreams. You not only made me a better person you made me realize what I've always wanted to do. Who've I always wanted to be. Most of my life I was so many different things. My brothers twin, my parents son, a wrestler, a football player, a viner, a youtuber. I never really knew my identity, now look at me, a father of my own set of twins. The love of your life. The man I want to be for you and our kids. I'd travel the world with you if you asked me. I'd leave everything for you. There's not a thing in the world I wouldn't do for you. And although I know I'll have to wait months maybe years to see you again, my love for you will never fade nor go away, because day after day it only continues to grow. I'd just wish you'd come back so we can finally have our forever. I love you.

Sincerely,
                                         Grayson B. Dolan

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A/N
The next chapter I swear will be like heart tearing and nerve wrecking, but I promise it will be out tmr💗