Asylum

Requesting Background Checks

Ren Walker

I collapse onto my bed, which isn't noisy enough. With all the heavy stress I'm shouldering, my flop should have more momentum and the creak of the mattress can't sound so small. I run my hands through my hair, trying to focus on the tug of the strands rather than the thoughts on my mind. Despite my exhaustion, I can't seem to fall asleep. I crawl under the bedsheets and undress, tugging the comforter over my shoulder. I close my eyes, wishing I could drown in the blackness behind my eyelids.

It's not so easy.

My head aches with war strategies, new information, anxiety eating away at all the what-ifs. I'm drowsy, and though my thoughts are a bit jumbled and scattered, I can still make them out. What if the Reaper comes back tonight to steal away another Sage? What if they burn down this house? What if next time they pluck an outlier, it isn't a Sage, but one of us? Kya. My worry for her is unexpected and unwanted. I turn over, trying to change positions and my train of thought.

My body aches from pent up rage. The Reaper prowled on one of my Sages – one of my people, who do nothing but watch out for us. She ripped out his eye, broke his ribs, extracted a tooth and his nails. And right out from beneath my feet, too. I should've kept out a sharper eye. Why didn't I? What was distracting me? Kya. Grunting, I roll over and onto my stomach, reaching for a pillow and squeezing the life out of it, as if draining my thoughts of her.

My heart aches at the recollection of today. From Kya being careless with some stranger and getting one of our Sages in critical condition, to the words I had to use against her, and how I had to act like she didn't exist. I'm the Dragon now. I don't have time for distractions and considering people's feelings when I have people to protect and people to attack. So, why does this hurt so much? It hurts, Kya said to me in the hallway. Groaning, I twist back onto my back.

I know why it's this way. It's not that I'm upset at Kya for being careless, I'm upset that she was careless with someone else. I'm not bothered by the words I said, as I've said far worse before; it's her reaction to them that wretches my gut. As for pretending she was never born...I've ignored people more times than I can count, but never have they been people who've seen me for me. God, I still can't get her expression out of my head when she pulled me back in the hall; the quivering lip, the overflowing eyes, her trembling grasp on my arm, her shaky fingers as they caressed my tears away. Kya.

Even after I used her most vulnerable parts against her, she still reached up to make me feel better. Which, of course, only makes me feel worse. Kya.

I went too far when I freaked out on her, and it makes me feel like a supreme asshole with how bad I hurt her. It was like every time a tear fell from her pale irises, another one pooled in mine. It bothers me how quickly I've become attached to her in just the short time we've been together.

I need to get my priorities in check. I know that the safety of my Sages comes first, then the safety of my travelling partners comes next, then the attacking of Reaper and Cerberus follows. Yet, no matter what I strategize over or think about, my thoughts return to her, and I can't pinpoint the exact reason as to why.

More than a little aggravated, I stuff a pillow in my own face and huff, trying to smother out the undesired thoughts of her. It almost works, until there's a voice in my room – deep and calming to hide the malice in the speaker's intentions. "Whatever seems to be the problem, dearest baby brother?"

Typically, Xavier's ghost is unwanted, but if it distracts me from other hot topics in my mind, then I'll entertain this psychopath. "Xavier," I dully acknowledge. "Whatever brings you here, I wonder?"