Asylum

Ace Up My Sleeve

Elektra

I should probably explain the random guys with guns. When you're a prodigy in the underworld life of crime, it's easy to sniff out guns. Right when everyone descended into the bunker, I went to town, sniffing down dark alleys and checking out sketchy bars until I found the type of people I was looking for; a ragtag group of four looking for a way to get their product of guns global. After a mild shoot-off, lots of colorful swears and exciting threats, I finally gained some willing and able sharpshooters. For personal use and to help the others if needed.

Meanwhile, while Kya and Co. where down in the bunker, I was getting pretty bored on the surface, but I had a lot of time to myself to think about what I really wanted in my future. Did I want to exterminate Reaper once and for all? Yes. Do I want to basically rule the entire world? Yes. Did I give two craps about those people below me? No.

At least, that was my standpoint on my life until I really decided to dissect my purpose. I remember at the airport, I had briefly entertained the thought that I wasn't running away from Asylum to start a new, dedicated empire of my own; but that I was running towards the chance to make memories that don't involve death, considering I never had much of a childhood.

Above that bunker, I thought about everything.

Reaper despised me for being emotionless and robotic towards her conquering Russia, and I wondered why I was that way. I've never made any attachments to anyone whatsoever, and I know I've tried. Am I incapable of emotion? I know I've always told myself, and anyone who asked, that emotions are the poison to a strong being, but was I just fooling myself? Giving myself a reason to be so heartless?

Then there's the looming plot to create my own empire. But who would follow me? How would I lead? Certainly, it can't be with compassion; I can't replicate the feeling, nor do I want to be perceived as weak and supple. And once I win over, for example, Japan, then what? Move onto the next country? Take back Russia? I could spend my entire life trying to rule the world, but why? Power brings happiness – at least that's been my motto – but what kind of happiness will I receive once I'm sitting on a global throne? The happiness that comes in the form of currency and jewels? When you rule the world, anything you could ever want is disposable at your fingertips, and for free. So, what currency and value would I really need? Having power over everyone is a feat, but once completed, the thrill is over, and anxiety over loyalty ensues. It becomes less of a challenge and more of a job.

I contemplated why I was so hellbent on becoming the leader of a totalitarian society made of the entire population. What was I trying to compensate for? What am I lacking that is trying to be filled with my greed? What challenge have I not accomplished?

Again and again, I'm brought back to my upbringing. I'm not talking about my joining of the gun-running gangs, or Brovinski's life lessons, or me murdering the guy. I mean even before the orphanage, where I was cruelly bullied for my markings before people learned to fear me. I'm talking about my actual birth. No matter what I think about, the reason for my faults – the extreme apathy, the lack of ability to connect, the void I try to fill with power – all seems to circle back to being given up in the first place.

I've never really felt abandoned, though that's what I was. Back at the airport, I was almost correct. I was running toward my childhood in a way, yes, but not to make memories.

Now, I think I know what I have to do with my future before launching into a campaign to elect me world leader. What I have in my mind feels...right. Like this is what I'm meant to do. I know I told Kya I don't believe in that mumbo-jumbo, foo-foo fate bullshit, but for the second time in my life, I felt like I was really destined for something. The first time being when I escaped Asylum.