Paint Me Black and Leave Me Alone

-42-

{Just a reminder: please don't hate me for this chapter!}

Morgan POV-

"YOUR WHAT?!" We all screeched.

I stared at him, then slapped my hands over my ears and squeezed my eyes shut. "EWWWW! NO, DON'T SAY SHIT LIKE THAT! YOU'RE SEXY AS HELL! I CAN'T THINK THAT SOMEONE WHO CLAIMS TO BE MY DAD AS SEXY! THAT'S, LIKE, A REVERSE OEDIPUS COMPLEX OR SOME FUCKED UP SHIT LIKE THAT! I DEMAND A DNA TEST!"

Nearly everyone was staring at me now as Undertaker began howling with laughter. He nearly fell out of his chair twice because of it.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA! THAT WAS AMAZING! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" He laughed. "YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE LOOKS ON ALL YOUR FACES! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! PRICELESS! HAHAHAHAHAHA! EVEN MASTER BUTLER! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

I deadpanned.

"Wait..." My little master muttered, staring with a wide eye at the hysteric man. "So that was all a joke?!"

I clenched my fists at my sides and gritted my teeth. "WHAT KIND OF SICK, TWISTED, FUCKED UP PERSON GOES THROUGH MONTHS OF TROUBLE JUST FOR A JOKE?!" I shrieked. "DO YOU KNOW WHAT KIND OF HELL THE READERS WILL PUT AUTHOR THROUGH?! THEY'LL STORM HER HOUSE WITH PITCHFORKS AND TORCHES! WHAT IN THE NAME OF FUCKING HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"

"HAHAHAHAHAH! LOTS OF THINGS THAT ARE HARD TO PRONOUNCE! HAHAHAHAHAH!" Was his reply.

CRACK!

You hear that? That was my tolerance for crazy people. Shattering.

I grounded my teeth and pointed my gun at him again, cocking it. "I'm gonna shoot him now. Anybody got a problem with that? No? Alright then."

I was about to pull the trigger, when Ciel's hand rested on the nose, stopping me.

"No matter how much I want you to," the thirteen year old growled lowly, one of his eyebrows twitching up in annoyance. "We still need to know what he knows."

I sighed exasperatedly and lowered my weapon slightly. "The fuck do you want man?!" I shouted at Undertaker, annoyance lacing my voice.

He giggled once more before calming down completely and grabbing a fallen pastry from the table. "Since I received copious amounts of payment just now, I'll tell you. For old times sake."

My little master stepped forward at this. "Derrick was clearly conscious, if only for a moment." Ciel stated. "It was clearly different from the other moving corpses... No." My eyes widened at what I figured he was speculating. "They've evolved..." I breathed.

I quickly whipped around to look at the Derrick zombie that was still wriggling around on the ground. "IT'S A SHINY METAPOD!" I shrieked, pointing at him. "THROW A POKÉBALL AT THAT SHIT!"

Undertaker giggled around the pastry at my display, while nearly everyone else just stared at me as if I were crazy.

"It makes me happy to hear you say that, my dear!" The smexy man giggled, finishing the pastry. "You're right!" He held his hands out in front of him at this, and his voice changed once more. "The dead can evolve, as long a there are episodes."

"Episodes?" Sebastian pondered.

"You mean like Sherlock? Or Doctor Who?" I asked. "Those are British shows. Wait... TV isn't around yet... Damn it! The new episode of Once Upon A Time is coming out soon and I'm missing it! Colin O'Donohuge! Killian, mah baby! Do not despair! I will always love you!"

Nobody was really paying attention to me, which was good. So while Undertaker explained about how the dead can evolve with fake memories, I was fantasizing about guyliner wearing, blue eye having, handsome as the heavens and hells themselves pirate: Captain Hook (Colin O'Donohuge. Look 'im up.)