Bated Breath

C h a p t e r : 20

-<>-<>-<>-

Y a s m i n e

Saturday Afternoon cont'd

As Toni and I were leaving to take me home, Tey gave me the eye. I sighed and nodded, closing the door behind me. I didn't want to...but I had to...I cared about him too much to leave him in the dark about how I feel.

"So," he started as we drove to Mama Yola's house, "Are you gonna tell me where you disappeared to last night?" I took a deep breath and prepared to tell him what happened.

"Oh...umm, It's just Nate on his shit again." I went on to explain that I had seen him prior to the party and I told him about the text he sent me and he shrugged his shoulders.

"So whatchu you gon' do? You gon' let him see her?"

"I dunno...I'm not sure if it's really about seeing her or if...he's just trying to get me back."

"You know damn well he just want chu back Yaz. Xi is just da' excuse."

"But what I keep thinking is what if she's not...I don't want to keep her from having a good relationship with her father." His grip on the steering wheel tightened and his jaw stiffened. "Are you OK?"

"I just can't see why you let this guy get in your head like dis."

"He doesn't get in my head."

"So why does every message he sends you put you in some kinda mood? What you still love him or something?" I can't lie...don't lie Yasmine. I looked at Toni who was waiting for an answer to leave my mouth. The consent silence gave changed his mood and he just nodded. "You said you were over him Yasmine..."

"I-I thought I was but after I spoke to Tey I realized that I still have feelings for him but don't get me wrong I don't want to get back with him, not after what he did to me and Xi."

"So he ain't even tryna get in your head...he already in ya' head." He mumbled.

"I don't think you understand."

"I understand perfectly. You said you were over him and you realized that you're not. What I don't understand is why you didn't tell me what you were feeling. We talk every single day about any and everything and not once did it occur to you to tell me something, even if you were unsure?"

"At the time I felt sure-"

"No Yasmine. The fact that you had to sit down and think about it means that some sort of thought process went down for you to conclude that you needed to think it through. So what I'm asking you is, why didn't you tell me you were having second thoughts about your feelings toward him?"

"Toni-"

"With each passing day I grew more and more attached to you and I started to fall in love. I let myself love you because you led me to believe that this guy no longer has weight over you. The way you treated me...like I was already your man were signals going off in my head that I needed to make it official with you. And now you're telling me that if this guys is actually changing...if he's actually serious, those feelings could grow again and then what? What's gonna happen to us?"