The Roommates

29.

I fell asleep in Liam's arms and I thought a lot about our relationship. He makes me happy. Even if his comment was hurtful, it's the truth. He is right. I don't know how the fuck I gained that much weight, even though, since December I've been working out like crazy with him. But I guess it's the Holidays and we all go a little crazy with food. Well, I went a little crazy with food. I love food!

I'm disappointed in myself, but I don't blame no one other than myself. I don't understand why Harry doesn't get it. He doesn't work out as much as Liam, but we sure used to play a lot in the gymnasiums of College sometimes. So, for him, I guess being not as focused as Liam on being active makes him have the judgments he has. I'm not an active person either.

What I managed to think through is that Harry is right. I don't have to change in order to please someone. Not Liam, not him, not anyone. But, he didn't get that Liam didn't mean it that way. He just wants me to be healthy. I'm not mad at Harry, he was just being his overprotective self with me and I love it, but he is the one mad at me. This situation is new to me, because it always used to be the other way around. I always was mad at him and I got to decide when I wanted to work things out. It is not the case right now and I am scared that things won't ever be the same between us two and it breaks my heart.

I wake up in the middle of the night, very tormented by all the thoughts going wild in my head. I tried my best to drift back to sleep, but I can't. Everything is haunting me and I can't get over the fact that Harry might hate me right now. I was very mean to him and he didn't deserve any of this. I don't want to lose him. I really messed up.

I feel the tears rolling down on my face and I try my best to contain my sobs, but the more I think about everything that happened today, the more I become uncontrollable. I sit up in bed and as I get out of Liam's embrace, he wakes up. I swipe my cheeks quickly, not wanting him to see me like this, but I breathe in and out loudly and quickly.

"Hey? Babe? What's wrong?" He asks with a low raspy voice, getting his upper body on his elbows to look at me.

"I'm- It's just-" I babble out between sobs being overly hormonal for no apparent reason.

"Whatever it is, I'm sure it's nothing... Go back to sleep baby." He says and let his body falls back on the mattress of this futon we sleep on.

I'm a bit shocked by his comment and I stop crying altogether to turn my head his side and look at him. His back is now facing me as little snores are heard. I'm sorry to think that of him, but he acted like a jerk. But what was I expecting? Did I want him to wake up and cuddle me and telling me something good to change my mind? Kind of, yes. It's the way I am used to in these kind of situations, because Harry always acted like that. I want Liam to be like that. To be the one I need. I remember the time we were at the competition and I was bored to death, I needed Harry to entertain me, or the time I was at the bar with Louis and Liam wasn't answering his phone so I called Harry to pick me up. He literally left Kendall in his bed to come to me. I remember us eating ice cream as we were sitting on the kitchen floor. Or the time I was sick with the bean stuff Liam always forces me to eat and Harry came in to help me through it. So, I guess, I expected my boyfriend to do something quite similar too.

This is all getting too much.

I take the covers off me and get up from the bed. I take Harry's sweater I wore yesterday and use it as a nightgown to cover my body. I head downstairs with only one thing in mind. Ice cream. I walk to the freezer and take the jar and a spoon before heading back to the living room. As I look around for the remote, I see the case of the movie Titanic. It isn't very long for me to put it in the DVD and watch it. I take a blanket near by and snuggle as the music of the opening sequence already brings tears to my eyes.