The Roommates

37.

After the big fight on Saturday morning, we collectively decided that it might be best if we let Liam on his own for the weekend.  Even though it broke my heart to let things this way between us, I know he wouldn't have been receptive to any attempt of mine to apologise.  I truly am sorry for any of the pain I caused him.

I expected him to be back home today, since it's Monday and we all got classes to attend to, but nobody has had any news when dinner comes.  Sydney has been with us all weekend and I will be honest and say that she really has played a part in keeping my sanity intact.  Niall has been quite distant with us and I'm sad about that as well.  When I tried to talk to him, he said everything was perfectly fine.  Anyway...  True or not, I let him be as well.

For the most part, Harry and I have been left alone all day yesterday.  We mostly spent the day in bed, we talked and it didn't get more exciting than that.  I got a lot in my head and that's the conversation I have with Sydney as we are cooking dinner tonight.

"I love Harry.  I really do.  But with all this drama, I feel like everyone is so down.  We are down."  I sigh out as I stir the meat in the pan to make tacos.

"What do you mean?"  Sydney stops from slicing her tomatoes and frowns at me.

I lean closer to her and look around us to make sure nobody can hear us.

"It seems like we are all so stressed about the Liam situation that everything seems boring, dull.  I'm afraid that all the passion and the excitement I have always felt towards Harry was because our love was forbidden.  I don't feel like it's special anymore."  I confess with a heavy heart and lot of shame.  I find it hard to look at her in the eyes. 

She scrutinises my face with attention.  Her brows are still frowned and I see just how she analyses my feelings.  She starts off slow, but she gets passionate into her argument.

"I think it's completely normal.  I don't think that what was special about your love has faded.  I think you are both emotionally drained with everything that has happened since New Year's.  Don't panic or rush conclusions.  Everyone is stressed out for the moment.  Once you'll have delt with Liam, you'll feel better, but now I'm sure it's overtaking your heart and your mind.  It's normal you don't feel special with Harry, you have too much on your plate.  Go on a date.  Do something to get your mind off things.  But don't doubt what you guys have, it's a gift."

She reaches for my hand and squeezes it briefly.  She is being so reassuring and she is absolutely right.  I seem to be always so negative all the time.  I need to work on that.  I have Harry with me. He loves me.  We have never truly behaved like a couple.  I don't even think we've ever been out on a date before, because we were always seeing each other here, at home.

I pull Sydney into a hug and thank her sincerely from the heart.  I don't know what I would have done these past few weeks without her.  She has been a constant support and I value that a lot.  I am so genuinely happy that we are such good friends.  I never had that many friends before, so I really cherish the ones I have now.

After dinner, Sydney and I suggest that it might be fun to take all of our minds off the drama and go bowling.  Since we are an uneven number, Niall plays with me and Sydney.  And for the time of the three games we played, we thought of nothing more than having fun.  In the car on our way back, we dropped Louis and Sydney at her flat, leaving Harry, Niall and I alone back home.

I could sense the air was awkward between the three of us and I feel tremendously sad about that, but I can't think of anything to do to fix it. I decide to head to Harry's room for a change and spend the night there.  But as I walk to the upstairs bathroom, I walk past Liam's bedroom.  I impulsively decide to get in.